Gustav Mahler is Dario Marianelli

I listen to emotional and magical film soundtracks a lot, usually more than any other music with vocals. I just bumped into a picture of Gustav Mahler on my feed telling that he was a composer in the late 19th century and even though I don't know his music, I was instantly told by clairknowledge that he is amongst the modern soundtrack composers of the music that I listen to. Note that I didn't know Mahler's music before this and I've never ever seen a picture of Dario Marianelli before I googled it just a few moments ago. It's probable that I have heard Mahler's music when the radio has been on at my father's some time long time ago (he sometimes listens to classical music), since it seems like he was famous.

All of this happened 10 minutes ago from writing this. I searched for a piece of Mahler's music and for a moment I really thought it was just another piece by Dario Marianelli himself. And now I searched for his picture and look! This is actually the first time I see a picture of Dario Marianelli, since I've just listened to his music on Spotify. I've been very keen on it so this makes me slightly emotional. Music can be very healing.

I have absolutely NO feeling that I would've known him in a past life. It's just his music in the now that has really moved me. I'm ashtonished and feel confident that Marianelli is Mahler's reincarnation.

Here's link to a music piece by Dario Marianelli:
https://www.youtube.com/watch…

And here's music by Gustav Mahler:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWPACef2_eY

Behind the admiration for C.G. Jung's ideology

I have this slightly crazy admiration towards Carl Gustav Jung's thoughts and ideology, even though I've orientated myself only into very small bits of it. For a while I've know this admiration came from my past life, when I was a male Jew, most likely a psychology teacher in Germany (who also experienced the horrors of the Holocaust). A couple of days ago I was writing a creative piece of writing (the world view for a live roleplaying project). I like to think well through the symbolism and the emotional logic towards magic or any other fictive elements. I was working on the idea of light and darkness in magic, which put me into deeper thinking on how that would work psychologically speaking with the one casting the spells-- the human mind. When I was listing different analogies of darkness and light (like yin and yang) I got spontaneously the words anima and animus in my head. All I knew about them was that they represented the feminine and masculine aspects of... something? I thought to myself I would check out their further meaning later. Before I did so, I created my own logic about the evolution of self through reflecting upon our shadow-self etc. in different stages. When I finally googled the deeper idea behind the anima and animus, I was stunned. I had recreated the same logic between them and the shadow-self as Carl Gustav Jung had himself. They were actually also important tools in the layered process of working through light and dark. The more I've come by Jung's thinking, I also truly understand the spirituality behind it. It has it's holes and small downsides, but booooy, I just think he was a genius, because when he was certain about something, he didn't wait for other people's approval in every case in his life. Neither did he even research too much if all of his hypothesis were true, because he just knew he was right. I believe I was both under the spirits' influence while finding this logic, but also unlocking some part of my past incarnation's memories. Today I have been so full of appreciation. How much the psychology has helped the human kind! In my mind it would do so much good to so many people to learn more psychology at a younger age and be provided with psychiatric services even for those without mental illness. This world is crazy and sometimes I think we'd need a free outlet for our inner child to show itself safely. Did you know Jung actually explored the idea of the spirit world's existence? And he is the father of psychoanalysis, someone who has in my mind had a very thorough effect to modern day psychology.

Frederick of Denmark, the prince-bishop

I think found out another past life identity of mine. The interesting story goes here:

So I've been working on a final year project in our Spiritualist association's mediuism course. I of course chose past lives as my subject (my passion). I felt uneasy about the project even though giving past life readings and spirit world's guidance connected to them is something I've been doing for a couple of years for people. I thought that making the project was kind of all for nothing, because I wasn't sure if people would be you know-- interested in reading the whole story and all the readings I did for it, even if we found some kind of proof for each case. In the end I found my motivation to write the whole thing and collect the past life pieces from people by making them the readings. Finally, I had to make a choice if I would've wanted to make a reading for myself as well, because I did those readings for the whole class, even teachers.

I've read my past lives a few times for myself earlier, but I never expected so much anxiety to surface so soon after making the reading with this one. I saw myself as a man in red robes in the 16th century, visiting Estonia. I got confused, because the clothes reminded me strongly of those of a bishop. I didn’t feel this past life identity was particularly religious, like I would’ve presumed a bishop would’ve been. I was also very rich, so I could do some things as I pleased. I had a pet tortoise. I thought it looked silly while eating. I imagined how people would look like if they ate the same way. One of those things was that I hired a woman to come into my tent every day during my visit and I would examine her naked body without touching her. I was a scientific mind with a philosophical side. I had a theory, that the person's true essence and soul lived in the hard parts under our skin. In the reading I felt it was kind of twisted, even if it wasn't really sexual. But the woman didn't know it wasn't sexual, she felt harassed and her social status was threatened. I could feel also the woman's emotions there and I just felt so ashamed of my doings in that past life. I have a guess that this shame was created in my LBL-state after this life experience. Because of certain hurt in the intimacy I decided I wouldn't publish this past life story at all at first.

Later I tried to make myself another reading. I thought "one more time"-- if it wouldn't work out, I would just drop the whole idea. Oh well. I was very tired when I started doing the reading and I felt unsure if I should make it in such state at all. But then I could feel in a glimpse my body become energized. An unknown male spirit had walked into my aura. I gave it a go. The first impressions were symbolic which for me meant I was connecting with a spirit, that spirit.

I was was compared to "the Little Prince" very clearly and I had a strong image of a Medieval sword. Then I had an image of how I looked. I had dark blond color and polka cut in my hair and a moustache. So my first reaction was: "Is this my ego talking?" I tried my best, but I was given only royal images and impressions in my mind. That’s when I got frustrated. It was a good choice to take the pendulum in use, so the spirit could tell me clear answers 'yes' and 'no' to what I was asking. I checked from the spirit if I had had my facts right. I was told with the mixture of visions and the answers of the pendulum that I was a Danish prince, born in the beginning of the 16th century. Soon I understood that I was actually not making another reading for myself, but I was reading the very same past life I had been reading a few days earlier with the rich man in red robes. I asked if my name started with an E as I'm very fond of such names and I've had those recur in many lives. The answer was no.

The next sceneries shown from that life was my past self as a young teenage boy. I was not allowed to do many things. I had a small room with a double bed. It was dim-lit. I was given the expression the room felt like a prison and the size of it was making me anxious all the time. I had more energy than I was allowed to use, so I made stupid things and became aggressive-- like animals put in too small cages. I eavesdropped many times the adults in the castle(?), overheard political conversations, but of course I didn't understand everything about them. I was shown that I got one or more times caught in action, so I was punished by a male person into my teenage years. I believe the punishment happened with some sort of small whip. The damaging part of the whole situation was that my pants were partially removed and all this happened in a very sensitive age. I felt that because of experiences like this I became a sexually repressed asexual. I also believe this lead me to be very interested in anatomy.

I also had other impressions of things I had experienced. I saw a wooden box that I opened even if I shouldn't have. I'm not sure if I quite understood it correct, but I found name shields without any names engraved that were meant for some royal graves that had no bodies yet and finding them was a bad thing for some reason. Also there was a glimpse of a man with a certain type of historical hat (don’t know what to call it, but sewn from many pieces and doesn’t have a brim really) and that he had a female I knew somehow killed because she crossed him. I knew he wasn’t my father, more like an uncle and that he was very powerful.

I asked if I had killed anyone. The spirit declined to answer for the time being. I asked if my sister from this life was a sister of mine in that past life and the answer was yes. I asked if my father was a family member in that past life and the spirit declined to answer for the time being. I asked if I had died from murder. The answer was no. I asked if it was sickness that took me and the answer was yes.

At this point I didn’t feel as anxious anymore as in the beginning of weather I had only been listening to my ego with the reading. The spirit’s presence was very strong and firm and this spirit helped me not to quit the whole session before I was finished with it (I was allowed to do so though, we always have freedom to choose in the spirit perspective who come from the light). I knew it was important to gain enough information before I would google if any knowledge I had in my possession was true. So I give here once more a little thank you for the spirit who acted as my teacher through this reading. He acted very kindly and patient with me. Last I asked from the spirit if it would be ok to start already googling. It was ok.

Soon I found out that indeed there existed a monarchy in Denmark at that certain time period. I scrolled through the list of portraits of kings that ruled in Denmark around the first decades of the 16th century. A few of them looked familiar to me, but one portrait called to me and I already felt like I had known him in some way. It was Frederick the I. After that I found that only his youngest son was called primarily a prince in the article and actually a prince-bishop (the others were called dukes as that seemed to be the equivalent for the prince in Denmark at that time) ! More precisely this prince-bishop’s name was Frederick of Denmark. I never knew such position even existed. Suddenly even the tent’s colors in the first part of the reading did make sense as white and red were the colors of the Danish flag. I googled if bishops at that point in history used red robes in Denmark and it is true that they did. There doesn’t exist a picture or a portrait of my past self, nor there exists much specific information about his life. However, the Danish Wikipedia article seems to state (I almost missed this) that Frederick of Denmark was “half a scholar” when put to the position as a bishop because of a political situation. Also remember I said I didn’t feel the most devoted person for religion in those bishop robes? I found another small phrase that states Frederick of Denmark didn’t have canonical qualification to be a bishop. I somehow feel confident about this past life, for me the experience was true. The puzzle pieces click with each other somehow.

The only thing that confuses me is the one I saw a powerful man with that certain type of hat without a clear brim. I found out that at that exact time period in Denmark, such hat was used by a half brother of prince-bishop Frederick of Denmark. But I felt that the man with the hat had been an uncle. For me it was if there was some sort of conspiracies going on connected to him. Well, it seems that according to Wikipedia, Frederick’s father Frederick I was _uncle_ to Christian II (this would make him my past self’s cousin) who indeed was alive at the same time when I was a teenager and he was known to try to clear out the Swedish throne by slaughter and was very insistent about having his upbringing to take the throne, even if they weren’t next in line. Interesting stuff! In the first part of the reading the spirit’s message to me was that this past life had many important lessons in the same package. This means I am willing to do more work to sort out which kind of lessons I still have unfinished from back then. I recognized many traits from myself from this life, especially those I had as a teenager. I’m still dealing with the emotional burden package that surfaced, when I started reading this past life. It consists mostly of shame, anxiety and guilt.

I found interesting, how easy it was to communicate with that male spirit who came to guide me. I asked if he had lived in the same culture around the same time period and the answer was yes. This is a pattern I’ve noticed with spirits that come present when doing a past life reading. If they haven’t incarnated with us back then, they have experienced the same time and place in some way.

It seems that however royal I probably was, this wasn’t a very positive past life saying from the glimpses and emotions that I went through during the reading. Not much to be proud of.

Recently, I've been liveroleplaying a young prince called Lukas Opferstock (of German origin I think). Being the youngest in the family was an imporant thing for the character. The family name of Frederick of Denmark was Oldenburg. No co-incidence for me. I haven't played any royal characters before and there is next to come this fall. This character is also the little brother, and his position is very very similar to the one of a prince's. Also he is a leader of the spies. Same themes, don't you think?

At this point I'm not sure if I remembered to tell every detail I found somehow meaningful, but oh well. (Btw, don’t confuse Frederick of Denmark and Frederick I to each other. Frederick I was the king and Frederick of Denmark the prince-bishop I suspect I was in a past life.) 

Frederick of Denmark

The Grounding School

I have still a Ned Kelly (and Ellen Kelly) themed past life dream waiting in line to be published, but especially ever since the events that I unfolded in my last blog post, my concentration has been strongly guided elsewhere.

The theme in my life right now is grounding. I came very ill a couple of days ago. Now my other symptoms are pretty much gone, but my voice is completely lost, I'm basically mute. I haven't had such thing in my life. I pondered and researched the reasons for all of this actively-- grounding did come to my mind too, but only after I let go of trying, silenced my mind and slowed down my pace of living, my spirit guide was willing to tell me what this muteness was serving.

Before exposing the basic reason, they told me to just let myself be sick and not change the situation drastically. Anyway I did ask for help for my somewhat grave breathing problems I woke up to this morning and they actually instantly enlarged my airways as I felt I had been almost suffocating. They've given me a lot of help with taming the other symptoms as well, but the muteness remains. Basically, what they did, was that they stopped me and then didn't "let" me speed up my pace to what it's been for so many years. This gives so much more space for me to silence myself and do the grounding I so much needed.

I don't only feel, I know for a fact, that the vision of my Native American past life activated this phase in my life. I could never imagine that I would be able to inquire these steps of wisdom at this stage on my spiritual path. The serious part in my grounding school has started.

If you read my last blog post, you will understand a piece of the importance of the wisdom about grounding oneself and the connection to our Mother Earth. I always overlooked the whole idea of what grounding truly means. If you're doing it also-- consciously or not -- I assure you, I will some day teach this for people around me. I'm in hopes I'll find a spot to write about it here in my blog too, more in depth.

This is a past life themed blog primarily, but as you notice (if you read the last post), all of this just yielded from a spontaneous past life vision. Such can be the power of spiritual living in past lives. It is in my soul mission to relearn all of this. All types of past life experiences can rush all the way from our unconsciousness to our conscious mind, providing amazing wisdom and resources of an extensive variety to provide help on our spiritual path (and of others').

Harry Power's spirit and signs

Today's oracle cards encouraged me to feel and be empowered and use this strength in my daily life. My power has been lost of a few weeks and manifested itself by depression, so this message had been long awaited, even that I had received the same message here and there by listening to my spirit helpers. Also it turned out there was a 'coincidence' about the usage of word 'power'.

I ordered a month ago myself a DVD from Australia. "The Last Outlaw" mini tv-series. I never got an affirmation it had been shipped as I did get from other items I ordered for Christmas at the same time. Today I was doing some cookie baking with my best friend and there were so many of them that even after she left there were left plenty to bake! So I was left alone in my silence. Every once in a while I thought I should start a playlist from my phone. I forgot it many times and each time I remembered it again, I felt an urge to do it before I forgot all about it. Finally I did it. It was my Australian past life playlist I chose pretty much randomly. Then I heard a sound from the apartment. Something fell on the floor. I instantly thought either it was a spirit moving stuff or the mail man. It was mail, but the spirits having their touch on the situation. At that moment there was playing this song called Blood On My Name by Brothers Bright. That's a song that I also for half meditative purposes on this past life. It helps me think and structure my emotions, just as many other songs on that playlist of mine.

When I saw it was the DVD which's whereabouts I had been pondering on today, I of course got a little excited. It was my Christmas present to myself. I've been waiting for this opportunity to watch The Last Outlaw through, because it has a lot of roles of people who I find dear from Ned's life like Tom Lloyd and Isaiah 'Wild' Wright. I now understand that the reason I felt an urge to put that playlist playing on the background was actually yet another sign the spirits wanted to share me. Even that I shouldn't be able to doubt my past life anymore, I do need these confirmations to ease my mind. They are also a sign for me that I'm not leading myself to a useless path.

Right now I'm also happy that I figured out I could try to find that DVD online all regions free, which means I could watch it here in Finland without any problems. It wasn't that easy to find, I tell you. It's a piece of Australian history and so on, and the series itself was filmed in the 80's, so naturally most of the DVD releases (except for the one I found) were meant for the region of Australia.

Harry Power's been on my mind lately. His spirit has visited and contacted me more than a year ago and so he did just the past few days again, now revealing his Higher self. He told me he isn't incarnated on the physical plane at the present moment, but he will soon enough. He will incarnate as a boy to one of my close relatives (I know who). He also told me we haven't known each other on other past lives on Earth but as Ned Kelly and Harry Power. He shared me he didn't actually like too much being called by his past life name. He would be in this future life a sensitive and bright boy and he told he would have an talents and devotion to wood carpeting at an early age. By his 9th year of life on Earth my grandfather would have been moved to the spirit world and Harry's reincarnation would be compared to my grandfather (who is a dear person to me even if he himself didn't know it). This is how we change and evolve as spiritual beings... Harry used to be a case-hardened bushranger and his soul isn't proud of all things he did during his life. I think there is also something else that bothers him about that incarnation...

If you wonder how I speak with these spirits, it's again with the help of the pendulum. I see and feel things, get impressions and then if it's unclear or I feel uncertain I use the pendulum the spirit is moving to help get the message right and clear.

The first part of The Last Outlaw looks into Harry's past a lot. I haven't watched the whole episode yet, I think I left it somewhere in the middle. I started to think if I should actually try to regress myself into my past as Ned and see if there was information available that the series would later confirm later. The series tries to base it's story on facts. For now I've been a little annoyed by the teenage Ned. Something doesn't feel right about it, but I'm hopeful about the further parts of the series. Anyway, I haven't actually tried to regress myself consciously on this past life but once, because of doubts and fears. Maybe now's the time. I have held back myself a lot on reading the history on this, I've refrained from looking too much into detail. I need myself to be sure I'm not misleading myself or anyone else for that matter about the past lives' topic as it really is my passion...

Introduction

You may find this blogger a regular person, who doesn't seem to fit well with the usual world. I'm messy, spontaneous vs. reserved, analytic and find joy in spiritual conversation and development. In high school I found myself interested in psychology and philosophy, arts and languages (except for Swedish). I wanted to be either a film director or a costume designer by trade as "being something" or "someone" seemed like the only option I had for life. I felt like I was unsuccessful in everything else that I could've considered meaningful.

Around those times my dog died and I found myself in the middle of a depression cycle which continued for a few years. I have also presumed I had been depressed even as a child without realizing my situation. These days I understand that it was because of my mother. Mental problems existed, but inside this broken family unit they were always belittled or somehow projected elsewhere, many times on myself.

Just as I described, everything escalated at school when I turned 18. Little by little I became more aware I wasn't alone in my room at nights and developed a fear of being in the dark alone late because of this. With this fear came along spiritual experiences and a reawakened interest in the supernatural a couple of years later. I got tarot cards from friends as a birthday present and started to learn about chakra systems, auras, the spirit world and even about the life outside our planet (this was due to an experience I had as a child). I yearned to know the truth about our life mysteries and I was confident it was possible to (re)discover it.

I was right about that possibility, indeed. I had been having all these theories about the structure of our existence and now was the time to see if I was anywhere nearby the truth. Realizing I wasn't the only one thinking like this and that there were actually a huge number of people across the globe and later even amongst my friends sharing an astonishingly similar world view-- I knew there absolutely had to be something true about it. I had been searching for miracles all my life and there it was. No-one had taught me the things I had speculated to be right and now out of the blue I had this amazing support system for my thoughts all around me.

It didn't take long to be told I had the gift to mediumship having a shaman spirit by my side as my spirit guide. I started to understand I had been having these spiritual experiences as a child too, but my strong forced Christian faith and the fear of being judged by the Christian god had blocked my abilities for a long time. Little by little I started to gain confidence in my gift by giving power animal readings to my friends after realizing I could see an animal "on them" when looking at a person. I kept practicing, until a couple of years ago I had crossed the point of being able to convey messages from the spirit world. It had always been important to me to be able to know for sure I wasn't creating the message on something I already knew about those people. Both mistakes and astonishing accomplishments came along the way, the mistakes becoming way rarer by time.

Three years ago I finally got my hands on the topic of reincarnation, which had fascinated me ever since I was a child. At first I falsely thought I must have been a newcomer on Earth, since I had no past life memories or experiences, besides one curious dream I had seen a couple of years earlier. Just as with the power animals, it hit me that I could actually see some people as someone else, when looking at them and sometimes gaining an impression of another historical time. I started to practice and became better on it, whilst getting busy in my everyday life.

My depression cycle helped me to start handling many things that were wrong in my life. Ever since, I've been becoming happier and happier as a human being. It took me some time to get that I actually hadn't been that happy in all of my life. I got hooked on the feeling of freedom the new form of spiritualism provided in my life and I wished other people could feel the same things as I did. My wishes to become a costume designer or a film director were long gone. All I wanted now was to improve as a person, discover new sides about everything that existed and get a taste of adventure in my daily life.

Healing our mental problems and at least accepting them became an important interest of mine. For a few years I tried to save people around me, especially the friends I now considered my real family-- only to learn later on that was no good. I earned even more emotional freedom by understanding that humans have always the right to choose for themselves to believe, to accept and to act on things. I could not bend them to my will seeing and acting on the things around them that could lighten their hearts. More often than that not following my intuition about how to handle people, I burnt my fingers. Finally it was time to move on and change the plan.

It hasn't been an easy task to understand using my inner voice is a part of my meaning in life. It would be only a few adventures away to find the perfect setting to use it AND people who could hear it and actually wanting to listen. I'm still on the same path to discovery, but it hasn't been until lately that I understood, my life purpose considering helping people is of the spiritual kind, using my wisdom and gifts with the best of my ability. I never thought making a living this way would be possible, but I'm currently searching for the bravery to see the perfect way and possibilities to serve people in the future.

My drive for sharing experiences to raise awareness has been huge, because I've been through so many life changing situations with the help of the spirit world and understanding our past lives. This blog is one venue to share most of the knowledge I've gained through these years. One of my highest wishes right now is to reach something in people. Everything is possible if we give the universe a chance to show it.

Finnish Civil War 1918, part 1

I just had a session with the spirit world by using pendulum and clairvoyance/clairknowing as my tools. I had an intention to ask about something quite serious, just a simple one-question try for my spirit guide. I did get my answer later, but first on I had someone different coming and he told that he couldn't answer the question I had suggested.

It was one of my spirit teachers. It took less than a second that he was swinging my pendulum swiftly and became clear to me that he was coming from one of my past lives and we had known each other. The connection is usually not this fluent in the beginning, but I can understand why it came to us (me and the spirit) so easily today. There's basically two reasons:

1) I just came from a mediumship demonstration (I think that's what they are called in UK, but in Finnish it's just a "meediotilaisuus", which I think describes it better). It is a more or less well known fact that attending to medium sessions, opens the receivers psychic/mediumship gifts sometimes and it isn't really a rare thing to happen. I personally didn't get a message this time, because it went to other people there (there were about 50 people attending this demonstration), but just as the medium Maila Marttinen said, all our spirit guides were strongly present there today and even without getting a message, many of our loved ones were there too, close to our auric field (actually inside it), us being mostly open to their energies. I believe I stayed open for these energies for hours, because straight after the demonstration I went out with my two friends and we talked about deep spiritual questions. This is something that actually does help keeping us open to the spirit world.

2) On my way home I found that one question-worthy reason to hold a seance/session for myself so I asked my spirit guide would be there waiting for me. I asked for protection and guidance and gave the spirit world some time to accommodate to my wishes.

So here's what I discovered about this spirit teacher who came meeting me. He used to be my little brother in my past life in Finland. I was born at some point before the turn of the century and lived to witness our war of 1918. I had five siblings: Only one of them was a girl, but she died very young. When the war came, both of our parents and both our grand parents were dead. This little brother who came to teach me was 6 years younger than me, but I wasn't the oldest son. We used to fight a lot.

To my relief, he told me that we had cleared our karma from that life long before my present life and he wouldn't incarnate as anyone around me in this life. This is actually a little rare to my experience. Those who've been pointed out in my past life readings have been usually incarnated as my family or friends in this life. Anyway, I don't think anyone should now start to believe that it was or wasn't common our family members from past lives didn't incarnate close to us again in this life. I believe all paths exist in this one.

One of the interesting things is that I had thought I was a chauffeur from my trade. It seems I was a little wrong, but also right. I have been aware for a few years, that around 20's I was in doings with cars and richer people and I was a male and a person of lower income. This came to me in a past life reading a very dear friend of mine did to me. A couple of years later I had a sudden realization that my car driving phobias had come from that specific life. I was able to understand that I had been in a car accident in that life and when it happened, I was the one behind the wheel. I thought I was older when all that happened, but now my little brother from that past life told me I had been a teenager back when it happened. He also told me no-one died, but at least one person was left (severely) handicapped.

There was something that had boggled me about that life before the 20's... I had an impression that I had been to America, when later on I started to have strong signs I had been at that time a Finn attending our war. I've been speculating if I was one of those, who moved to America. But it didn't quite fit with my experiences... If I had been to America, it would've also meant that I moved back to Finland as well. When I asked about this from my little brother, he said he wouldn't be allowed to answer my question at this point.

I've been careful with unfolding this past life and it seems that it will keep on unfolding itself at it's own pace. In the next part of this past life study, I'm going to describe the dreams I've had from this time. I haven't seen too many clear past life dreams, but these came to me easily, with less symbolism confusing the facts. This is something that makes my life of 1918 even more curious for me.

Uncaged

Suddenly I understood, that feeling uncomfortable talking over and over again about my past life experiences with my friends was a sign. I started to build up tension inside of me that made me feel really uneasy. I needed one more past life experience to understand that I felt caged and that I needed an outlet for my thoughts and feelings somewhere, where I could actually feel free to express myself as who I truly am. That's when the idea of starting a blog came into the picture. It's simple, it's easy-- it doesn't bother anyone and collects only those readers, who feel interested in it's topics.

Having a past life identity that happens to be well known in history and present is nothing but easy. Halfway it feels like a curse. It has made me go through lessons of self-worth so many times I'm not sure it will ever end. I had been handling the general phenomenon of being famous beforehand throughout the youth for other reasons, so it was perhaps planned that my past life as Ned Kelly surfaced only two to three years ago. Sometimes I wish I had known some things affecting my current life earlier, but I know that I wouldn't be what and who I am now if I hadn't experienced the hard stuff raw. 

I'm going to be totally honest with you by saying that I need your support. At the same time I'm trying to stay true to myself, learn being independent and avoid clinging to people's opinions or my tendency to try please everyone. Finally becoming sick of that side of me I found my way here. Coming out of the closet, so to speak. Or my mental cage. 

I realized that I was being an idiot wasting my life trying to please those, who happened to be around me. I haven't come out to my Facebook friends or relatives there. Everything else feels natural to update but not telling that "Hey, I've been going to these wonderful medium nights. Totally loving it" or "I cried my heart out today, because I suddenly remembered the guilt I felt in my past life". I knew that job and bosswise I never cared, what was shown online about my faith or hobbies. And if people who I thought were close to me would run away, maybe I wasn't that important to them after all. That is the very same reason I never started a blog, even though I maybe tried. Now for me, it's the time to stop trying. 

I still won't probably link this blog to my Facebook account in the future. For now, I justify this decision by knowing that the majority of my Facebook friends isn't interested in spiritual or the "supernatural" stuff. For now, it doesn't bother me. If at some point my heart tells otherwise, I will adjust my plans. But the most important change now is that I refuse to be scared that a relative or a distant friend would find this blog online and read my story. This is the place, where I'm able to share my stories in full length. Nothing should be left in secret or half shadowed, if one really wants to know what's all this "Henniina talking about spirits and past lives" is by reading through this blog. 

I admit I'm holding slight grudge by having to explain this at all. I wish being accepted with my interests and experiences would be as easy as being objected to breath so that one can live. The things I handle in this blog are similar to a part of my breathing, which means it is a great part of who I am. I have other life too, of course but I can't deny the importance of spiritual matters in my life and working and developing as a medium. 

At this point I feel also kind of excited as this blog feels like a positive step on the road of fulfilling my life purpose. But more on it later.