Cutting karmic ties

An uneasy feeling took over my body and mind. I have been on vacation for a few days from exhausting projects and mostly enjoying my time. Today it wasn't as easy as I wanted it to be. After I went through all surfaced emotions angry and frustrated, it was time to feel my true emotions, my experience of being lost and sad. Why couldn't I already be at a point in my life, where I could serve humanity as the Seer that I experience myself as? I had offered a mediumship service the day before and conveyed multiple messages from the spirit world. But this experience of incompleteness existed still, because I couldn't do it for a living. 

Every now and then I took a deep breath, because the spirits reminded me to do so. As I became in contact with my feeling of being lost, I also found the question that I wanted to ask in that state: Who am I? Who am I now? What is the point in my life that I'm living currently and how would the spirits word it out for me?

My frustration didn't get away totally, so what I did was that I listened to a clip from a lovely Seer Niina-Matilda's book to be released. I listened to her soothing voice and comforting words and also found them meaningful in my curren life situation. Niina-Matilda was not the first person to tell me that it was in my soul's plan to become a healer in this life. If I'd let myself choose so, my position would be at least pointing out where the sickness was in the body, that's how she worded it, which a few months later actually did lead me to find out I could find the connection with the illness between our different energetic bodies in relation to the physical one.

I got a bit carried away there, but anyway - I got half way through the clip, when my whole day last desire to create new thoughts through doing something concrete took over. I searched and found some deep, new music (it was important that it was new to me) to listen to and I quite spontaneously decided to make a spirit journey. I asked for protection to my journey. I was asked by the spirits what I wanted and I said I wanted to clean my soul, my energy and find more about myself and what was creating me feeling like was being stuck.

This week for a couple of days the spirits gave me signs that my sacral chakra was working overactive. I didn't want to believe it (as an unfinished human being over-anything makes me feel ashamed), but the signs were clear. One of the signs was that a pimple appeared right on the back of my spine, where sacral chakra is located. "Oh boy, here we go" I thought. A few days later I suffered from very uncomfortable stomach cramps. I usually never had those during my menstrual cycle and later I discovered that my whole period was not doing it's normal thing. Next day I wake up not that well rested. I tried to ask for the spirits to help me, but I also was battling with the inner-knowing that all this was going to be a lesson experience. I had also noticed that in the end I had picked by my body's guidance-- foods that contained iron like liverwurst and spinach-- which could've suggested I had also problems with my root chakra.

My spirit journey started from a cave. Usually during these journeys, I've had to go to the cave first and when I've searched for answers inside it, I've only found my own fear reflecting from the astral and spirit world. It has never felt an easy journey until now. This time I was already in there and I decided to find my way to a scenery of a night sky, somewhere in Africa from the ceiling of the cave. The starry scenery was very pure and clear and the ground was lit vaguely by an unknown source of light. The ground was covered with tile red dust. I sensed and saw glimpses of few animals around me.

I had a hunch this was a new platform for my on-going and future journeys in the spirit world. An eagle flew over to me, holding some sort of vessel filled with yellow liquid that felt bad for health in it's claws. I knew the liquid had something to do with fat and organic functions near the liver, possibly affecting the spleen. "What am I supposed to do with that?" I thought. The scenery changed. I know I now was situated somewhere in the human world. I see a man collapsing against the kitchen counter while his wife rushes over to him. He's having a seizure and is about to die. Because I'm taken there to see it, I instantly reason to myself that I must be there to heal this man as a spirit. I take the vessel now looking like a glass jar from the eagle's claws and I rush to find a way to clear it. I throw away the yellow substance to a basket (I thought that it would've done ill to throw the man's sickness to the ground representing our Mother Earth) and find a river where to clear the jar. When the jar is dry and empty I find that it's not clean and that clear water wasn't enough to clean it. I find a cauldron and boil some hot water. Finally I'm done with the cleaning. I'm constantly reminded by the spirits that I should not rush as I could not think clearly. At the same time I could feel time fleeing and the man getting closer to his death. I fill the jar with fresh water. When I'm rushing back to the scenery where the man is dying, the spirits tell me there is no point to rush as a healer, because then no remedy would be as effective as it should. Every step of the way was important energy to complete the healing efficiently. I understand that I have been clearing the man's organs energetically to help him recover from the seizure before it's too late.

Fearsome images merge from the man's body confronting me as I reach the kitchen and in a few moments I understand the images represented the fear of the ego leaving the material world and vanishing. For a moment they were also mirroring my own fears in the situation of getting turned down from my help. I manage to hand over the jar with fresh water 'to him'.

In no time I see the man's spirit separate from the body and staring to my eyes. He's smiling knowingly. I now understood he wanted to leave the body, it was his decision all along. My efforts to help him were in vain. Now he wasn't the one in need of healing: I was his student in the situation. I could not heal someone not needing nor wanting help. I understood same thing would go down with everyone I ever decided to provide spiritual guidance to.

The scenery changes. I'm taken to a grassy field. I'm a woman in a vaguely historical garment standing next to a forest alone. Suddenly I feel hands grabbing me from my back and his lips touching my ear in lust. His closeness and his words that I couldn't hear felt sickening. I shake away from his grip and tell him to leave me. I walk away a few dozen meters from the forest and let myself fall on my knees to wonder what had just happened. I felt strong confusion going inside of me. In no time while still wondering I find that same man returning to me, now taken over by his decision to rape this female body of mine in that past life. In the end the man probably leaves, I'm not sure. But I feel the woman's confusion has no end and because it has no end it feels pestering. She asked "Why I wasn't given the opportunity to love the one that entered my body?" I ask what I should learn from this and I'm given a red rose as a symbol with clairknowing of it's message: It would do good to let myself love free when it comes to romantic feelings. I understood that I had been craving for love and closeness for myself that I hadn't dared to ask. That it wasn't only my romantic partner's choice to love or want me.

 I know that sex creates a karmic bond, even if it didn't happen from love. I then asked from the spirits about what I should do. I seeked the energy of the man that raped my past self and let my past self do the work. My present-self felt now confused too, because of the need I felt my past-self had, but I did it anyway. I kissed the man on his lips gently and then gave him a hug. That was my forgiveness and acceptance of an apology from him in advance, even if I never felt him say he was sorry. I knew he couldn't say that, because he didn't know better yet. That energy felt child like, emptied from the darkness it held inside, harmless at that present moment, so little left of what he was. Then I sent him away the same path in the woods he had popped into my past self's life. I watched his back as he walked farther and farther away. It took a good moment. When he was at the end of the visible path it started to look like he couldn't go any further without me interfering. I pushed him out of sight with my mind.

I had to open my eyes, because I heard falling on my table. Earlier I had been squeezing an orange pen in my palm, but I had opened my hands during my journey a good while earlier. The item fallen on the table in front of me was that particular orange pen. The color orange represented the color of y sacral chakra. I knew the situation had been sealed for good and that pen also underscored it as a sign.

Next up the spirits took me to a place that felt like a spiritual school. I was walking around in orange trousers with yellow robes and a headpiece with maybe accents of red. The clothing reminded me very much of something I had seen before somewhere in the media. It had elements that reminded me of Russian, Turkish and Indian way of dressing in maybe ancient carvings and art. Because I didn't recognize it, it bothered me a bit, but I let it go. I meet a spirit of a female who has a very adviser type of touch to her energy. She gives me a symbolic tool to my future romantic relationships. It's a brush for washing my partner's back with love. The symbol of love, tenderness and forgiveness (which cleans away any harsh history between us) and at the other end of the brush there were scissors for cutting the karmic bond between us once and for a all.

I find myself back again at the African plains under the starry sky. I have only vague impressions of the discussion I had with the spirits in this last part, but I remember having the clairknowing sensation that the problem with my sacral chakra was now fixed from at least one area. I could feel it had had an effect on my solar plexus too. I asked if I needed to know nothing more for today, the answer was no.

 It keeps amazing me how simple it is to heal past lives during meditation. This was the first time I feel I have forgiven someone from a past life as efficiently. I'm awaiting changes to my physical and mental health during the next few days. Right now I feel... relieved. I believe and assume this past life healing was linked to the series of other feminine healing I've been confronting for a couple of years now.

Ironically right after I was done and came back to social media I bumped into this gif-picture saying: "When you say goodnight to your date and let out a fart you've been holding in all night". That might emphasize the problem I had been holding to from my past life energywise...



Spirits and their humor!

In the end, I wasn't given a straight answer to why I can't fulfill my mission in the spiritual area of life, but this definitely gave me more wisdom about listening to the signs of my body and some meaningful things about healing... Time will show.

Frederick of Denmark, the prince-bishop

I think found out another past life identity of mine. The interesting story goes here:

So I've been working on a final year project in our Spiritualist association's mediuism course. I of course chose past lives as my subject (my passion). I felt uneasy about the project even though giving past life readings and spirit world's guidance connected to them is something I've been doing for a couple of years for people. I thought that making the project was kind of all for nothing, because I wasn't sure if people would be you know-- interested in reading the whole story and all the readings I did for it, even if we found some kind of proof for each case. In the end I found my motivation to write the whole thing and collect the past life pieces from people by making them the readings. Finally, I had to make a choice if I would've wanted to make a reading for myself as well, because I did those readings for the whole class, even teachers.

I've read my past lives a few times for myself earlier, but I never expected so much anxiety to surface so soon after making the reading with this one. I saw myself as a man in red robes in the 16th century, visiting Estonia. I got confused, because the clothes reminded me strongly of those of a bishop. I didn’t feel this past life identity was particularly religious, like I would’ve presumed a bishop would’ve been. I was also very rich, so I could do some things as I pleased. I had a pet tortoise. I thought it looked silly while eating. I imagined how people would look like if they ate the same way. One of those things was that I hired a woman to come into my tent every day during my visit and I would examine her naked body without touching her. I was a scientific mind with a philosophical side. I had a theory, that the person's true essence and soul lived in the hard parts under our skin. In the reading I felt it was kind of twisted, even if it wasn't really sexual. But the woman didn't know it wasn't sexual, she felt harassed and her social status was threatened. I could feel also the woman's emotions there and I just felt so ashamed of my doings in that past life. I have a guess that this shame was created in my LBL-state after this life experience. Because of certain hurt in the intimacy I decided I wouldn't publish this past life story at all at first.

Later I tried to make myself another reading. I thought "one more time"-- if it wouldn't work out, I would just drop the whole idea. Oh well. I was very tired when I started doing the reading and I felt unsure if I should make it in such state at all. But then I could feel in a glimpse my body become energized. An unknown male spirit had walked into my aura. I gave it a go. The first impressions were symbolic which for me meant I was connecting with a spirit, that spirit.

I was was compared to "the Little Prince" very clearly and I had a strong image of a Medieval sword. Then I had an image of how I looked. I had dark blond color and polka cut in my hair and a moustache. So my first reaction was: "Is this my ego talking?" I tried my best, but I was given only royal images and impressions in my mind. That’s when I got frustrated. It was a good choice to take the pendulum in use, so the spirit could tell me clear answers 'yes' and 'no' to what I was asking. I checked from the spirit if I had had my facts right. I was told with the mixture of visions and the answers of the pendulum that I was a Danish prince, born in the beginning of the 16th century. Soon I understood that I was actually not making another reading for myself, but I was reading the very same past life I had been reading a few days earlier with the rich man in red robes. I asked if my name started with an E as I'm very fond of such names and I've had those recur in many lives. The answer was no.

The next sceneries shown from that life was my past self as a young teenage boy. I was not allowed to do many things. I had a small room with a double bed. It was dim-lit. I was given the expression the room felt like a prison and the size of it was making me anxious all the time. I had more energy than I was allowed to use, so I made stupid things and became aggressive-- like animals put in too small cages. I eavesdropped many times the adults in the castle(?), overheard political conversations, but of course I didn't understand everything about them. I was shown that I got one or more times caught in action, so I was punished by a male person into my teenage years. I believe the punishment happened with some sort of small whip. The damaging part of the whole situation was that my pants were partially removed and all this happened in a very sensitive age. I felt that because of experiences like this I became a sexually repressed asexual. I also believe this lead me to be very interested in anatomy.

I also had other impressions of things I had experienced. I saw a wooden box that I opened even if I shouldn't have. I'm not sure if I quite understood it correct, but I found name shields without any names engraved that were meant for some royal graves that had no bodies yet and finding them was a bad thing for some reason. Also there was a glimpse of a man with a certain type of historical hat (don’t know what to call it, but sewn from many pieces and doesn’t have a brim really) and that he had a female I knew somehow killed because she crossed him. I knew he wasn’t my father, more like an uncle and that he was very powerful.

I asked if I had killed anyone. The spirit declined to answer for the time being. I asked if my sister from this life was a sister of mine in that past life and the answer was yes. I asked if my father was a family member in that past life and the spirit declined to answer for the time being. I asked if I had died from murder. The answer was no. I asked if it was sickness that took me and the answer was yes.

At this point I didn’t feel as anxious anymore as in the beginning of weather I had only been listening to my ego with the reading. The spirit’s presence was very strong and firm and this spirit helped me not to quit the whole session before I was finished with it (I was allowed to do so though, we always have freedom to choose in the spirit perspective who come from the light). I knew it was important to gain enough information before I would google if any knowledge I had in my possession was true. So I give here once more a little thank you for the spirit who acted as my teacher through this reading. He acted very kindly and patient with me. Last I asked from the spirit if it would be ok to start already googling. It was ok.

Soon I found out that indeed there existed a monarchy in Denmark at that certain time period. I scrolled through the list of portraits of kings that ruled in Denmark around the first decades of the 16th century. A few of them looked familiar to me, but one portrait called to me and I already felt like I had known him in some way. It was Frederick the I. After that I found that only his youngest son was called primarily a prince in the article and actually a prince-bishop (the others were called dukes as that seemed to be the equivalent for the prince in Denmark at that time) ! More precisely this prince-bishop’s name was Frederick of Denmark. I never knew such position even existed. Suddenly even the tent’s colors in the first part of the reading did make sense as white and red were the colors of the Danish flag. I googled if bishops at that point in history used red robes in Denmark and it is true that they did. There doesn’t exist a picture or a portrait of my past self, nor there exists much specific information about his life. However, the Danish Wikipedia article seems to state (I almost missed this) that Frederick of Denmark was “half a scholar” when put to the position as a bishop because of a political situation. Also remember I said I didn’t feel the most devoted person for religion in those bishop robes? I found another small phrase that states Frederick of Denmark didn’t have canonical qualification to be a bishop. I somehow feel confident about this past life, for me the experience was true. The puzzle pieces click with each other somehow.

The only thing that confuses me is the one I saw a powerful man with that certain type of hat without a clear brim. I found out that at that exact time period in Denmark, such hat was used by a half brother of prince-bishop Frederick of Denmark. But I felt that the man with the hat had been an uncle. For me it was if there was some sort of conspiracies going on connected to him. Well, it seems that according to Wikipedia, Frederick’s father Frederick I was _uncle_ to Christian II (this would make him my past self’s cousin) who indeed was alive at the same time when I was a teenager and he was known to try to clear out the Swedish throne by slaughter and was very insistent about having his upbringing to take the throne, even if they weren’t next in line. Interesting stuff! In the first part of the reading the spirit’s message to me was that this past life had many important lessons in the same package. This means I am willing to do more work to sort out which kind of lessons I still have unfinished from back then. I recognized many traits from myself from this life, especially those I had as a teenager. I’m still dealing with the emotional burden package that surfaced, when I started reading this past life. It consists mostly of shame, anxiety and guilt.

I found interesting, how easy it was to communicate with that male spirit who came to guide me. I asked if he had lived in the same culture around the same time period and the answer was yes. This is a pattern I’ve noticed with spirits that come present when doing a past life reading. If they haven’t incarnated with us back then, they have experienced the same time and place in some way.

It seems that however royal I probably was, this wasn’t a very positive past life saying from the glimpses and emotions that I went through during the reading. Not much to be proud of.

Recently, I've been liveroleplaying a young prince called Lukas Opferstock (of German origin I think). Being the youngest in the family was an imporant thing for the character. The family name of Frederick of Denmark was Oldenburg. No co-incidence for me. I haven't played any royal characters before and there is next to come this fall. This character is also the little brother, and his position is very very similar to the one of a prince's. Also he is a leader of the spies. Same themes, don't you think?

At this point I'm not sure if I remembered to tell every detail I found somehow meaningful, but oh well. (Btw, don’t confuse Frederick of Denmark and Frederick I to each other. Frederick I was the king and Frederick of Denmark the prince-bishop I suspect I was in a past life.) 

Frederick of Denmark

Update

I could've never imagined, but I've managed to come out with a publication on reincarnation which is still waiting to be finished. But it will be, I have a clear deadline. I felt so uncertain at first to start it out, even unmotivated. I thought I would leave it be and not worth sharing to any of the people at this point. But there's appeared some very interesting reincarnation stories and cases on the people I've done a reading to for this. And last but not least, I did a past life reading for myself, revealing very harsh stuff from a past life to point I thought not putting it in the paper at all. I felt shame from that past life, it's emotions kind of bursting on me. I even did a second reading for myself to place the first one with-- and it revealed to be about the very same past life the first one had been about. I found very good affirmations of who I was in that life, a small mention in history. It has already explained a lot of negativity in this lifetime.

This past life raises very hard emotions in me, it wasn't a positive past life. But I'm working on it, it must be healed. More on it sooner or later during this fall!

A comrade: Isaiah 'Wild' Wright

[4.10.2016]

I was feeling like sharing what happened to me today. I'm wishing this might help people thinking about their emotions towards different people in their lives and which emotions they are holding up to unconsciously. I've noticed that people tend to have a crush on people that they've known in the past lives, because of the possibly quite instant feeling of recognition, which confuses modern day humans more than it probably should. I have a history of having crushes all the time towards people I would unconsciously recognize. I've realized that behind it there is more to it than that and learnt to process this information flow in a way healthier way. Here's a story from a similar aspect.

I had some moments of sorrow crying over something very important from my past life today. I haven't been able to cry for a long time and I actually was just yesterday in a situation, where I wanted to be able to open up my feelings and cry. But today, for different reasons, I was finally able to do so.

I had this bushranger comrade called Wild Wright in the 19th century, who supported my gang back then in the days. I'm really not going into detail, because that I've told most of it already here before, but long story short I was Ned Kelly (I actually find this slightly irrelevant to mention, but I had this urge to tell you that Wild Wright was a GOOD GUY and deserves perhaps a little more respect).

Anyway, I finally got to know better the person who used to be Wild Wright, even though I've been aware of her identity for a year maybe. I was now left with bottled up feelings I wasn't first able to handle at all. Then I realized I felt anxiety, because I wanted to tell her what it really felt communicating with her. Because it was complicated, even for her, which she apparently noticed too. It being my imagination or not, I got worried about her own interpretation of what was going on between us. Because it was like loving a family member which kind of didn't fit with the fact that it was our first times getting to know each other. I wouldn't be able to tell her the reasons or my thoughts, because she probably doesn't understand or approve the idea of reincarnation. It bothered me, but I felt like I had no choice, so I ended up thinking all this stuff by myself I had in my mind from different point of views.

I realized I've never had those people in my life that I could defend. I've always had to protect myself out in the world and especially inside my family (there's this really rough stuff been going on for years and years that has affected me strongly). Because the feeling of needing protection from my own family, I haven't been really good at loving those people who I consider my real family (these people being most commonly friends). Now, I was in the situation, where I wanted to protect Wild Wright's incarnate for a rational (or a misjudged) point of view. It made me feel sorrow, because I wasn't able to do as I pleased. It confused me.

Then it just hit me out of the blue: I felt like I owed her so very much. And this was a huge emotion. I started to cry (hard and loud). Not because I had done bad things for her in past life, but because she had given me SO much back then. I understood that I hadn't been able to express this emotion as Ned. I cried more, because I realized that no-one would ever give anything from oneself and resources like that to another, if he hadn't considered the other as equal to a brother. At that point I had no idea what exactly happened between us in the history (after the well known bare knuckle boxing match and generally knowing he was a gang supporter after that), but this emotion and knowledge came so spontaneously and out of nowhere that I just felt I had to go by it and trust it..... And I did. Just a couple of hours later I googled everything I could find on Wild Wright and it matched so well with my experience that I'm stunned. I had strongly mistrusted my feelings, even though they felt so real.

After all that crying today I actually wasn't afraid anymore of any judgement from her if I just asked away if she was an atheist. What I now feel is that I want to be even truer to myself as I've been hiding my emotion behind ideals and protective barriers even from myself for some very, long, long time. I see and admit that I have problems to let people close to myself in this one aspect of denying my true feelings about them to a point they just bottle up. And most commonly those feelings are the positive kind. That is sad. It seems like have a strong need to get closer to these feelings and feel free once more.

Yup. I'm pretty confident I'm writing a book one day about my experiences. My life is like a big surprise party, considering all the constantly appearing possible ways sharing my story and my friends' and family's past life stories could be helping people heal PL wounds and figuring out their life purpose in the bigger picture.

Speaking of pictures, here's Isaiah Wild Wright. A good man with a bit of a wild and human side.

The incarnation of Ned Kelly, part 2

Each time I've thought that maybe the cycles of this incarnation being meaningful for me in this life have ended, something comes up. For some reason I sort of keep lying to myself about it: "I don't need memories of Ned Kelly anymore". But here we are again. It takes a lot of healthy self-respect to face a well known past life without ego interfering negatively...

THE DREAM

The 7th of April (2017) I saw a dream that made no sense while seeing it, but after waking up it was no big deal to understand it's concept. I warn that this dream is heavily symbolic as most of my dreams are. I attached my analysis in the latter part of this post.

The first scene started in a rented modern accommodation. There was my mother and two people I know in real life.  We shall call these two folks here Dorothy and Peter (names changed) in this blog post and possibly in future occurrences. Dorothy and Peter used to be Ned's mother Ellen and John "Red" Kelly and this is a thing I've known for a fact for a couple of years. My mother whispered in the dream that it was a good time to tell these folks we've shared a past life together in Australia some 150 years ago. I'm not sure why they were present and why we were in this rented place anyway, but it was some sort of preparation for a soirée or such with relatives (such thing is coming up in waking life next month, but on a way grander scale). 

There was a cardboard shack built in one side of the room, where Dorothy and Peter would sleep overnight. I could not help myself noticing, that the shack was very similar to our past life home in Australia, even though it looked a little "crooked". Dorothy seemed apathetic, which is unusual for her nature, but I thought that she was tired or she had some worries that she wouldn't talk about.  My mother perhaps notices my thoughts and asks if I knew that she was suffering from "alkali" (or "alkaline"), which would turn down her nervous system, causing chronic fatigue, inability to move or speak well. So I understood, that what I was seeing was some sort of anxiety. My mother pointed out Dorothy had to now use a breathing machine each night.

The scene changes. I'm in some underground railway station that feels like the ones I've seen in London. It's not very tidy there. There must be some convention happening, because I bump into a security guard, who is impounding my friend's medicine. It feels slightly weird that there's a convention going on, because it's a public place for anyone to move across just minding their own business.

The medicine looks exactly like a vaseline jar (yellow and green, with a green clover leaf on it). He claims that such things are prohibited around here and throws it away while I'm trying to convince him it's medicine. This man seemed ignorant even though he didn't seem to get my point about the medicine. This random friend who feels like an old high school buddy is suffering from the same decease as Dorothy. This medicine is used like lip balm (on lips) and it would take away the symptoms and I acknowledge that Dorothy uses it as well. This friend immediately becomes weak and unable to move, so I take her in my arms and I try to move her somewhere safe (I almost would like to say he, as she was very masculine for a girl). I have no idea what happened to her next or was I even able to help.

Then I realize I'm in the same railway station, no idea how much time has passed, but I know that Dorothy was with me, her medicine is taken away and that she herself has been taken in by the railway personnel while I was somewhere else or "looking away". It's as if she's done something bad, but I know she hasn't done anything wrong. She is guarded in this railway station's warehouse section and I feel anguished that she could be raped or even killed. While I feel I'm not able to get to her, I'm looking at the railroad system. I was wishing for a metro as these trains would take only too far away and I had no purpose there nor money to travel such long distances. I could get lost. I was needed here.

I come by a person working for the warehouse, a man in dark clothing and mustache. I explain to him, that Dorothy must be released. He seems to be a part of the reasons why she got taken away with no reason. He mumbles something about "Oh poor me, I could loose my job for a misconduct." While I don't oppress him I know I'm right and I kind of assume that he would do the right thing. But all he does there is whine and I think to myself he is very self-centered for a person. 

Again, the scene changes. The medicine is given back and we're outside on the street. It appears we've been in London all the time. I have no idea how we were helped by others to get there. Anyway, Dorothy is still weak and she kind of positively surrenders to the situation and says she'll call a cab, even though it's expensive. I thought she would call the cab to exactly where we were standing, but for some reason she starts to walk away and I follow her. I have no idea where we're going, but I assume it's where she called the cab to come pick us up.

We arrive next to an old very small castle (or the visible portion made it look like that) that has long lost it's glory. There's homeless people outside and as we're walking by, they start to beg me for money. One of them is wearing a pink coat that reminds me of my ex-girlfriend. I thought for myself I would save it for another time. But they are persistent and the hands of the beggars grope my arms and bag. I realize my bag and my wallet inside is open and I start to feel very anguished. I manage to the spiral staircase and think that these homeless people would do so much better in the French revolution, not directing their anger towards random people. I realize I've lost Dorothy. I bump into a man who I think I know is a highly valued actor in Finland, but not my idol exactly. I try speaking English to him, then I look at his brown eyes and brown hair and try French. I get so boggled I don't understand a word I'm saying that the time leaps a moment forward. I happen to find "Dorothy" at another castle's gate, BUT now she's another person. She's my best friend and it's as if she's the one I've been running after the "whole time" (this was a vague impression). I wake up. 

How I interpreted some of the symbols in my dream: 

Underground railway station = Australia, "Down Under"
Security guard = policeman in guard
Warehouse = prison
Warehouse employee = policeman, probably different rank
Train = way out from the country
Metro = way out from the city or transportation inside the city
"alkali"/"alkaline" (referring to batteries) = loss of the ability to keep up the life and well-being, powerlessness
The medicine jar = the colors of the old Irish flag from Ellen's childhood --> all that is Irish??

ANALYSIS

The analysis will probably open itself better for the reader, if one knows the basic facts of the history behind the whole outlaw phenomenon.

Therefor, I'd suggest taking a look at these, before getting further:
Link to the Wikipedia article on Ned Kelly
The incarnation of Ned Kelly, part 1

At first I had no idea what this dream was about. I've been educating myself on symbolism for a few years bit by bit and also been into dream analysis. I've found it to be fertile for spiritual development, especially through bettering one's self-knowledge. Usually, when I see a past life related dream, there appears historical clothing or artifacts as mentioned in my previous post. In this dream it was visible at the beginning and at the end. It was very lucky for me to actually consider the direct hint of the "Australian cardboard shack home" as the theme of the dream, that's when I got on track with what this dream was about as I explain in following.

In the second part of the dream it seems I was (sort of) in London. London has actually become a symbol in my dreams. I was skeptic first, but when I tried to look at this dream from the Kelly family past life perspective, my theory was well supported. Not only does the occurrences in the dream relate well to the things that happened in Australia, but also there seems to be interesting details that I haven't been aware of in the official interpretation of the history. Why I see the symbolic location London interesting, is that Australia was governed by England and also my past life was situated in the capital city of Victoria.

When we found ourselves standing on streets of London, I feel it was some sort of transition phase in the dream. We exited from the underground railway station (without explanations on how it happened), therefor meaning we exited the area I interpreted as Australia in my dream. As history tells us, neither Ned or his mother managed to get out, so to speak.

I've had numerous dreams, where death has been present. Not symbolic death, but actual death. Whenever this happens, the symbols have varied, but there's always been someone crossing from one side to the other. Also dead people have been marked with a white linen fabric laying on the body. This dream jumped from one scene to another, which does make the interpretation harder. But we didn't use any trains or metro, that's for sure.

Also what I find interesting, is that in dreams, floors under the street level refer to our subconscious, where also our past lives reside in. I find it's not necessary for past life related things to happen underground in dreams, but maybe in this case it underlined the theme and meaning. When we exited, maybe we entered anther level of (dream) perspective as Dorothy was still suffering from the same decease, slowly recovering. Maybe it was symbolic to the life that followed after Australia.

In the latter part of the dream after calling the cab there were three things that would actually refer to another past life as I've had partially a very similar dream about before. I'm going to write another post on it in this blog in future, but that is a totally different matter.

What I find interesting, is that I thought Dorothy was in my responsibility while underground. That's not how things have been in this real and current life, not one bit. But it must've been the case for Ned. Whilst I haven't researched everything around the Kelly family history, I think it's possible that Dorothy, as in Ellen Kelly suffered from this lack of energy and an inability to keep it up; a depression of sorts. Now I have no idea who that old school friend symbolized, but he must've suffered from the same thing. I could leave neither of them just like that without any help, when other people were sabotaging their ability to live.

The medicine for this"alkali"/"alkaline" could've been something reminiscent to old Ireland, where at least Ellen was from. At first I was very confused by the yellow-green vaseline jar, but then I had the idea that maybe it had something to do with the national symbols of Ireland. I did some research and I found out that Ireland actually had a yellow-green flag until the time Ellen became of age. By then she had already moved into Australia. I suspect that things like the flag you knew all your life before moving into another country would retain it's significance. Maybe the medicine was symbolic to everything that used to be basic, good and honest back in the old times, that's how it feels to me. Also it did cross my mind, if the original nationality was taken away in different ways in Australia. But I have no clue about such, just a thought that came to my mind, after understanding the medicine's symbolic connection to Ireland.

The security guards and the warehouse employee must've definitely been symbolic to policemen. In my not so humble opinion, those are the folks that caused most of our drama and suffering in life as the history states. There exists different opinions on that matter, but I can only follow what my heart says. And what my visions and dreams have taught me. In the bits in the dream my opinions of those men weren't so aggressive, but more like frustrated. When Ellen was taken away, I was afraid that she could be raped or even killed. I find those fears understandable. The warehouse in my opinion was symbolic to prison. Maybe it was partially illogical to think that she could be killed there, but understandable, none the less.

I find my thoughts on that warehouse employee interesting. In my dream it was so very clear to me that they hadn't done right in taking Dorothy in. I consulted that employee thinking that he would free her, even if it meant that he would take some blame for admitting it wasn't right. I knew I didn't have the resources to free her on my own.

I've had a dream before that used the same London/England symbolism. I interpreted that I tried to escape Australia, to considered to find a way out from there. I haven't typed that dream here yet, but I sure will some point as it was an interesting one. Combining the information from these dreams together, I would boldly suggest that, when I was Ned, I many times considered the option of fleeing from the country, even if it seemed impossible. When I was looking at the underground trains, I knew they weren't going any place familiar to me. Their destination had nothing to give, those were my thoughts during that dream also. No people I knew, no shelter, nothing to do. As that metro seemed way more sensible as an option, I presume those were my past self's plans, after I had rescued Ellen-- my mother: To get to some other part of the state, farther away from problems. In the dream it may have seemed immoral to even momentarily consider getting away from the country, but according to history, after Ned wanted Ellen to be switched to him, the police refused from any compromises. Ned (and his brother Dan) became wanted.

The boy in London

This dream occurred to me the 3rd of June 2016 and something just now reminded me about this, so I thought it would be a good moment for myself to write thoughts down, including what exactly happened in that dream.

There's a place called Pyynikintori ("Pyynikki's market"), a former market town near my current home. Most of my childhood has also concentrated around this area for various reasons. There used to be a small old school grocery store there which was called Pyynikin Liha ("Pyynikki's Meat"). I used to visit it as a kid and a teenager, when attending to school and hobbies. To my logic at some point in the history, that grocery store really sold only meat.

In my dream I was going into a store that was placed exactly at the same spot. It's name was something like "Fine English Meat Shoppe". The clearest part to remember of it was "Fine English--", although I found some old notes about this dream that it also could've been "Fine Londonian--". When I enter, the whole place is found to be covered with meat in old style and in different forms. The walls were covered white and maybe light blue or green glossy tiles. There were roosts with meat hanging from them. It is an wondrous sight to look at from the aspect of my active thinker in dreams. The scene changes and I'm carrying groceries with my mother and my other little sister on the other side of Pyynikintori, (in front of my old music conservatory in real life). We start to load them inside a car, but my mother has issues to carry such weight. I rush into help as she almost drops some lemonade bottle made of glass (I had drank the previous weekend the same stuff a bunch, so I assume that is the reason it "leaked" inside of my dream as lemonade). I noted the bottle wasn't full and there was actually more than that one bottle that I rescue from her hands.

I never was so considerate in this real waking life, as I must humbly commit...

We walk down the street back again in a different scenery. There is an old man with a top hat and I somehow I thought I knew he was a kiddy fiddler / candy man of some sort. He was in position of some sweet substance that was somehow related to poison. That same man toddled each day or same day each week in a very slow pace across the market place. That's how he made himself seem innocent and normal. One time he tried to allure my little sister and I was veritably anguished by the idea of A) him trying to take away my little sister, but now that she got away, was he going to kill her? B) him possibly knowing that I knew what he was doing.

When I started to ponder on this dream, I soon understood it must've been a past life related, for all the following reasons. Now I suspect that in this past life I was about 8 to 9 years, when those dreams happened. By intuition, I could tell I was rather a boy, than a girl. I base the theory of my age to the fact that in my previous life, I died in 1880 and the Jack the Ripper murders happened in 1888.  Also, in 1918 I feel I've been around 30 years old in my next life... I can't remember if I acknowledged my own age during the dream, but my little sister was way younger in the dream and my mother seemed more stiff in motion than she is in this life. For the same reasons, I also think I didn't live much older. The reason for death in that past life is at this moment unknown to me.

Needless to say, this dream too was heavily symbolic, excluding a few small things like the man in the top hat and the store that sold meat. What I always find very curious about dream symbolism is that sometimes people I know symbolize very much different things in different dreams. Like a mother is usually a symbol for a part of one's superego. But sometimes my mother has been a symbol for the very real deal: herself. However, in this past life dream case I believe she was playing the role of my past life mother, who must've been a different soul. This is because I know that my current mother's incarnation died later than 1880 in her life, same goes for my little sister. They were both members of the Kelly family in Australia. So I find it possible they both symbolized other people. This has happened for other people too-- meaning of the symbolism of people in dreams switching in different situations and sometimes the people in their dreams aren't even layered with any symbols.

There is a common belief, that any historical items, clothes etc. in dreams are a good hint of a past life related dream. So far, I've found this theory to be very much true. Theoretically historical items aren't necessary for a dream to handle past lives, but so far I believe there's been always something, following a historical pattern and in that way 'out of place'. They have usually been the trigger to learn more about the other symbols and usually what I've found has very much seemed to fit in with real history.

Also, a few months before the dream occurred, I had done a psychic/medium exercise with my friend. We wrote down four questions on paper, turned them upside down and then drew in each other's papers four pictures as answers to those questions without knowing them beforehand. One of my questions happened to concern my past life as Ned Kelly. It was weird my friend drew actually a picture of London streets in 19th century and said that there was an anxious atmosphere to it and that it had something to do with Jack the Ripper. I happen to know a person in real life who finds possible that he was one of the Jack the Ripper imitators in a past life. But now I understood the possible explanation I had not considered before:

I have a theory about this past life, not so much intuitive. This was the next past life I had after Australia and I find it very much possible it was situated in London. Maybe I was a boy with a great imagination. That's what I've had since I was a child (which in my experience does NOT exclude the ability to intuition). Also, at those times there was a bunch of Jack the Ripper imitators and it was all in newspapers and gossip. So that makes equally possible that maybe my past self was right about that creepy man or that my past self only imagined him being similar to Jack the Ripper.

I have another reason to think that this life might have situated in London. A few years ago, I was trying to have a nap, when suddenly a very vivid vision opened to me and at the place of the window by my side opened the view of London and I felt very strongly it was home. I have always liked London and England, but that was the first time experiencing it by clear feeling.

To be honest, this past life makes me a little nervous. I like to keep all possibilities open about the truth, until I've had a proper past life regression or more other type of evidence about it. I know that we've all experienced awful things at some point in past lives and I don't see that thing in itself as a threat or anything morbid. I just feel I don't want to make any past life regressions on my own of past lives that are too grim, before I feel I'm experienced enough. That is the very same reason I haven't proceeded with my Ned Kelly past life 'investigations' lately. I'm interested in getting a proper past life regression from it.

When I work with spirits and past life readings, I'm only given what I can take. And if there is a person I'm giving the reading to, the spirits point out only things that are not meant to scare them, but to help them learn new things about their current life. I've had a couple of readings, where spirits have just stopped at one point, even shown me a brick wall, so that I wouldn't go further on the psychic level either. And these were some heavy lives. Responsibility is the way to go, I think.

The Grounding School

I have still a Ned Kelly (and Ellen Kelly) themed past life dream waiting in line to be published, but especially ever since the events that I unfolded in my last blog post, my concentration has been strongly guided elsewhere.

The theme in my life right now is grounding. I came very ill a couple of days ago. Now my other symptoms are pretty much gone, but my voice is completely lost, I'm basically mute. I haven't had such thing in my life. I pondered and researched the reasons for all of this actively-- grounding did come to my mind too, but only after I let go of trying, silenced my mind and slowed down my pace of living, my spirit guide was willing to tell me what this muteness was serving.

Before exposing the basic reason, they told me to just let myself be sick and not change the situation drastically. Anyway I did ask for help for my somewhat grave breathing problems I woke up to this morning and they actually instantly enlarged my airways as I felt I had been almost suffocating. They've given me a lot of help with taming the other symptoms as well, but the muteness remains. Basically, what they did, was that they stopped me and then didn't "let" me speed up my pace to what it's been for so many years. This gives so much more space for me to silence myself and do the grounding I so much needed.

I don't only feel, I know for a fact, that the vision of my Native American past life activated this phase in my life. I could never imagine that I would be able to inquire these steps of wisdom at this stage on my spiritual path. The serious part in my grounding school has started.

If you read my last blog post, you will understand a piece of the importance of the wisdom about grounding oneself and the connection to our Mother Earth. I always overlooked the whole idea of what grounding truly means. If you're doing it also-- consciously or not -- I assure you, I will some day teach this for people around me. I'm in hopes I'll find a spot to write about it here in my blog too, more in depth.

This is a past life themed blog primarily, but as you notice (if you read the last post), all of this just yielded from a spontaneous past life vision. Such can be the power of spiritual living in past lives. It is in my soul mission to relearn all of this. All types of past life experiences can rush all the way from our unconsciousness to our conscious mind, providing amazing wisdom and resources of an extensive variety to provide help on our spiritual path (and of others').

The sacred way of living: A Native American past life

I had just watched a tv show that had Native American tribes represented and some long lines of the languages those tribes used irl. The contents weren't that much new information to me, but the language intrigued me and made me feel really proud that at least someone had had the effort to use the original languages in a tv show script.

After that I was sharing a loving moment with a dear one, when all of a sudden a vision of a teepee alone in a forest "forced" itself into my mind (I rather allowed it to come through as I noticed the vision kept nudging my mind again and again).

I saw the two of us as Native American people living there and I experienced feelings that I've never ever felt in this life. In that vision I had recently moved "out there" with this loved one, we were a pair. The Native American me was thinking how honorable it was now to take the same position or place both my mother and my grandmother in that life had had as a wife, living an independent life of a Native American.

I come to realize other things existing around me. I never knew that someone could feel SO SAFE and so at peace with the circle of life, even that I thought I had understood the concept already thoroughly in this life. Na-ah. Oh I was so wrong. The part where I thought I understood was merely a theory in my head I had chosen to take as a part of my reality, in contrast to this experience I had last night.

During this vision I was as conscious about my present self as I was conscious about this life as a Native American woman. I feel this happened outside the experience of time limits, somehow these two versions of me connecting with each other.

I started to feel huge homesickness to not that teepee in the woods, but to the very natural connection with Mother Earth and the natural rhythm and style of living people had those days. I could feel how fluent and happy life was in it's simplicity. We all were so safe in the hands of our Mother and we were always ready to take responsibility and give her a hand in continuing the natural cycle of things. Giving back and letting go were important parts of our culture. We were part of the system, not outside of it-- as we actually are today. The general modern human concept of what we feel is connection is so wrong and full of lies. We are very much ungrounded.

I understood in that instant, how UNSAFE people feel these days even in "safe" cities in countries with a seemingly working social security and welfare system around the world. It was horrible to feel and see that contrast. But what we've gotten used to only creates the new definition for safe. Getting along doesn't mean we feel actually truly safe.

I now understand I hadn't understood what that word means. We're constantly bombarded with heavy energies pretty much anywhere we go and it's all around in our environment. We are so unconnected to to our planet, we are in constant state of unbalance (or ungrounded as people call it).

In this life I've been afraid of forests and I've slowly learnt to let go of that fear. For that brief moment as it was I felt what it is to have the nature as our home. It gave me a melancholic hope for the better and sadness that we've gone so far from this.

In my vision Mother Earth was a GIVER, not enslaved and exhausted getting her shell, where the life happens, more ruined day by day. She was providing everything we, us, it's children needed as long as we were a part of that natural cycle. Now she doesn't have the energy to do it, because we don't give the energy back to her and help maintain the balance

These days we don't let her grow her trees and plants around us. Those natural earthly antennas connecting us to her energy could grant us that feeling of connection and safety-- All of which would be the most natural state we could have here on Earth, if we just didn't sabotage the balance.

People, we must stop being only takers. This will not destroy only the nature, it torments us! Mother Earth would have so much more to give considering our peace and happiness, but we don't let her. I understand there exists so many paths for experiencing new things and all, but as long as we know we have the choice to change our ways of living-- in my point of view, we have the responsibility.

I had never cried in front of this dear one, but this experience and knowledge came to me so powerfully, I couldn't help myself, even that I tried to escape it. That homesickness for our connection to the Earth, was so huge and realizing all this bad bad stuff going on across the globe was too overwhelming. But it was good to cry, see and feel. This experience taught me so much things I hadn't known or realized before. Especially that feeling of safety.

I'd describe this vision of a past life definitely a changing point in life. I've had huge curiosity in Native American cultures and I've started to learn it in small bits for a few years now. More and more I understand I want those cultures to teach me more things and I definitely see myself now sharing more their wisdom onward in future.

Now I feel I HAVE to go camping with a friend in the forest some time and overcome my fear of forests (and nature)!

My latest incarnation: Rebel of the 80's

I don't remember how long time ago I unlocked some memories from this life, but they are the most vivid ones I've had of any of my past lives.

I was born in United States in an urban, probably big city to a white couple, who divorced when I was young. I was left alone with my mother. I've met two people in this life who remind me a lot of this past life mother. She loved smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol beverages, polishing her nails, gossiping and not caring too much about being the mother to me I needed. Also I believe my mother wasn't very intelligent. My father left my mother completely alone with me, so I didn't really see him when I grew older. When it was time to plan getting to a proper school after primary school, we went to see the headmaster of this one place I think me and especially my mother liked. What he did was to laugh at us-- laugh at me. I would never get in. We were poor and my grades weren't that amazing. He pointed out we were in a status that would promise no good luck in life. I had no future, really. 

As a result, I thought it wasn't useful being in school. I got friends who were "little criminals". I got into smoking (not sure about this, but probably), drinking and I think I tried some drugs too sometimes. I skipped so many classes I think I was most of the time elsewhere but school. 

In that life I was short. I had dark hair and a fit body. I used a lot of jeans and tank tops. I also got myself a leather jacket type of thing. Not sure if it was real leather though. 

I got myself a long term boyfriend who I broke up with many times. I remember he had long dark hair, a black leather jacket, almost always a pair of combat boots and he listened to rock music. We were both quite stubborn and fiery, but also very passionate. I became very much like him in certain aspects. 

I think that at first I tried at the school I was in. But then I stopped caring. It had been a real turning point when the other school's principal laughed at me and my mother... 

My mom's and my rental flat was placed in a building that was shaped similarly to the famous Flatiron Building in New York, but it had only two or three floors I think. Downstairs there was a tobacco store. The store's keeper who was part Indian was my mom's friend, but he really hated me. I remember seeing them chatting with each other so many times together both leaned over the same desk. I felt they both hated and repelled me from there just with their mean glances over me. I thought they could've just gotten a room together. They seemed to fit well enough with each other at least and enjoyed each other's company. 

Our apartment was more or less dirty. It had two small bedrooms, a living room of the same size and an open small kitchen combined with it. We had a cat whose caring we both argued about and quite roughly we did. At least sometimes I called that cat "Snuggles" (that name JUST came in my mind out of the blue). I think he had long hair and was white-ish in color. What really disgusted me was our refrigerator. It probably used to be white when it was bought, but now it was all yellow and sticky from the outside (I learnt after describing this to my friend that this is what happens when one smokes inside a lot, all surfaces get like that). We had very difficult fights with my mother, so I ended up leaving / running away from home. She disliked heavily my friends and my boyfriend, but it was easy to choose them over her. They seemed to care about me more than my mom. I spent more time at my friends' apartments and homes and I think there were a few nights I lived on the streets with no real shelter, hiding away from strangers who could harm me. 

I speculate by intuition that I got into Christianity around these times. I really wanted to help and be kind for those less fortunate but me. Living on the streets, using all their belongings to just buy some drugs. I tried to find my best ways to help them if I could. I really pitied their destinies. The cops on the other hand I feared and hated. But mostly, it was fear. They were so skeptic about my kind that they would try to catch us even if we hadn't done anything wrong. I have a strong feeling they did bad things to us, like hitting with batons at times with no real reason, not to mention name-calling type of speech and intimidating in various ways.

One night when I had broken up again with my boyfriend, I was spending an evening "partying" or just generally "out". Anyway, I met a man probably slightly older than me. Somehow he became very very quickly my new boyfriend. He seemed slightly eccentric, but was very kind and sympathetic and offered me right away a place to stay after he heard I had no place to go. This was a mistake. 

I didn't realize this man had Asperger's, which influenced his thoughts and actions. I remember myself sitting at a table in the kitchen area and there was a morning paper nearby, me doing something more or less practical and mundane. It was one of the first days at his place, maybe even the first one. I cared for him, but I knew I wouldn't love him. It was already clear for me we wouldn't ever get married, so I felt a little guilty. What I really needed from him was the shelter of his apartment and maybe some things like food etc. He seemed very excited about our situation and it was obvious for him that now was the time and place to have sex for the first time. For me it neither wasn't and was at the same time. I wasn't really sure if I really cared for sex at that moment with him, but thought that whatever. I wanted to keep that apartment for a while at least. I thought he kind of maybe deserved it and I sensed unconsciously he had a bad temper, even a shorter one than my ex had and in a weird way.

 Then he removed his clothing and climbed into his bed naked which was a loft bed. I was slowly ending my doings, whatever they were. When I wasn't removing my clothes right away and rushing, he said in an icy/irritated tone "Yeah, you know, I'm waiting..." I climb on his body still my clothes on and start to strip my shirt off. At the same time I ask if he has a condom. It appears he has none. Suddenly he suggests we should have a baby. I get frustrated, he sounds sad and we almost start a fight. I state I won't have sex with him unless he has a condom. I leave the apartment to search for one, but all I have in mind is to ask if the neighbors had any, I know none of them well enough. It starts to feel like a bad idea and I start to pity my "boyfriend". I really didn't want to fight with him. I deny myself of thinking about baby-making, I return to the apartment. I tell him "Ok, let's fuck".

My next memory is from couple of days later. We've had sex a couple of times. For the second time I had a condom from somewhere. I'm panicking in my mind if I had become pregnant. I didn't want to have a baby yet and not with him. I'm going through all options of emergency contraceptives in my head. At this point this boyfriend is all excited about getting a baby. I'm getting less and less interested about the shitstorm it would raise if I got myself an abort. The guy is kissing my belly and talking to it, when I still don't have any mound formed yet.

It becomes harder and harder to order a visit to the gynecologist and it starts to feel like an easier option just to have the baby. I believe all of this was because of the guilt towards that boyfriend of mine and the fact that I was using him to my advantage. This boyfriend was also the stalker type slightly... I could feel it.

A tad later (in this life) I had a vision of what happened between my death and the pregnancy. I left this boyfriend, but he kept disturbing my life in different ways. I returned to my on-off-boyfriend and at least was in friendly relations with him. When he discovered all of what had happened to me, he was furious! When he met the guy who had gotten me pregnant, he hit him and kicked him with his iron toed combat boots to the stomach. I was there. I tried to persuade him to leave it be and tried to confirm that the man didn't deserve it. I was really terrified about it. 

The last scene I remember from this life is me being again together with this on-off-boyfriend. We are having a terrible fight in a parking house. He's drunk and very aggressive. We are repeatedly hitting each other or touching each other violently. Last thing I remember is him pushing me. I loose my balance and I feel myself falling. I hit my head really bad on the ground. I see an ambulance. I die probably on my way to the hospital. That's the last thing I'm shown of these memories recorded.

This life I've acknowledged for a while already has lately come up to my mind more often. It has offered me explanations to a few childhood/youth memories from this life. When I was real young, about 9 years old, I started to write a book. I remember there were two gangs. The others were called "The rats" and they bullied the other gang, who were merely a group of friends. I really desperately wish I could some day find this start of book at some point and reread what I wrote. I remember it was very well written for a girl of that age! I have a feeling it described my past life around the 80's. My second memory comes from time I was 13. I had had an on-off crush for the cutest boy in my class. He had these brown eyes that were always my downfall. But he had a blond hair, not dark. He treated me unfairly and one time he hit me really bad on the back, bullied me too. Such things made me really prejudiced about him. Even though his style was nothing like it, one day I expressed my frustration: "So don't you want to listen to rock music, smoke cigarettes, wear leather coats and drink heavy?" The boy I had a crush on was nothing like it, really, but all of a sudden I had that image about him. I don't know why, but I thought it was a bad thing doing all that. Sinful even. That description would've fit my past life boyfriend. The third one is not a memory really. I had a manner to put my school pack or my jacket or about anything laying on my lap so it would  lean to my stomach when sitting. It made me feel safe and comfortable. People sometimes asked me why I did it. I hadn't realized it was that weird. Now I think I know the answer to this. It was not only because I thought that in this life my belly was fat. My past life self still wanted to cover in school that she was pregnant, even though in this life I haven't been pregnant or anything close to it. 

I also have a dream with hazy things that would really strongly refer to this past life. In the same dream I was doing something at the doctor for a "sister" (I had no sister!) The doctor was dark skinned, handsome and aged +40. He gave a coloring book to me so I would give it to my "sister". He had a feeling I might not give it or remember to give it, so he wrote my sisters name on the cover (which I don't remember). Also my mother had discovered the doctor was related to Michael Jordan and a "famous violinist" and she was really hunting him to be a husband debutante. For that reason I called him something similar to "doctor pal" not "sir" or "doctor" which created a very icy and awkward atmosphere. That wasn't my intention. I sounded rude. He kind of disliked me and felt uncomfortable around me, I could tell. Later in the dream there was an audition for a Broadway type of a Grease (in my current life I haven't really cared for Grease at all) prequel or something. It was a new version of it anyway on stage. Most of the main characters were placed with dark skinned actors which in the dream thought was slightly weird. Also I was in a big store or a mall. An older light haired man stole or bought me secretly tobaccos and I was grateful but I didn't know why he was so kind to me. I also laughed at a department of Christmas stuff that was really, really messy in the store.

All of this is so vivid that I'm sure I could find many more things about this past life through past life regression, which I have done none on this consciously. Most of it has come through visions, dreams and one past life tarot card reading I did on myself. Sometimes I wonder if this past life mother of mine still lives. Or that on-off-boyfriend. Anyway, I know the lesson of saying no to uncomfortable situations with romantic relationships that were created for the wrong reasons have been sorted out mostly already during this life. It gives a lot of comfort to understand why my last relationship was such a mess.

I've also noticed that dying so young and a rebel has affected this life more than I have wanted to understand at first. It comforts me to understand my past problems with school and authorities and even my peers at school had solid roots from not so long ago. I've also speculated that my memory/attention problems in this life might be linked to that pas life and also that head trauma. I'm sure I'm going to find out if it it's true. For now, I'm satisfied with discovering more about this life. I find it very interesting considering the lessons I was going through. I'm sure in that life I also was settling some of my lessons from my past life as Ned Kelly. Too many congruent aspects to ignore.

The son of fathers

This Friday night I was at a point of complete frustration about getting rusty in my mediumship abilities. I knew I was the one causing the block primarily. I had achieved to convey messages that morning as I was supposed to, but I had to use oracle cards to achieve a working connection with the spirits. It took a serious effort from me. So around midnight I grabbed the oracle cards once more, asking from the spirits what was going on with my abilities blocking/what could help me out getting them to work with me again.

To my surprise the spirits raised my educational issues as the main topic. I haven't yet been able to myself a job that would suit my emotional resources and what I'm good at. Also for my astonishment, they suggested that I had daddy issues from a past life that was affecting all of this and that I had been both too careful and incautious about something. Also my addictions for unhealthy relationships were still affecting me... The last thing of these was not being anything new.

I proceeded with my reading. The spirit world suggested small steps to regain the spirit world's trust in both directions: Mine and their's. They recommended for me to take the present situation as a learning experience. Another thing they said was to come in terms with my male and female sides of personality and my past life experiences.

It was so comforting to hear these words from the spirit world. There were some things I had been aware of previously, such as taking my held back spirit connection as a learning experience, to look it through somehow and that my mother issues were connected strongly with the addictions-card blocking some of my spiritual gifts.

I've never considered myself having any grand daddy issues in this life, so I first excluded completely the possibility of my current father's connections to it (oh boy I was mildly wrong there). It bugged me I couldn't get the hang of what the spirits were trying to say, so I grabbed my Spiral Tarot cards and took a glance at that specific past life's story and what had happened around the them of fathers or father figures.

Even if I found myself once again somehow grateful and taken that the spirits had not abandoned my longing to know everything about my life as Ned, but I was also disappointed. It meant I had to battle more with my ego... It was a flagrant fact the cards were telling the story of my past life in Australia. I hadn't expected anything special, but now that I was staring my cards wishing they had told another story.

But the message was loud and clear. I wasn't able to lie to myself either. I could understand my feelings (probably the spirits did as well) as I had been battling with my ego every now and then when it comes to my past life as Ned.

Suddenly I was surrounded with dim past life energy that the tarot cards had brought to surface. It wasn't new to me, that's something I've faced before when handling my Ned-energies. With the help of the spirits I now realized that indeed, I had been having past life daddy issues. For the sake of clearing any uncertainty, my head already buzzing with the new information, I asked what oracle card suggesting about looking into things too incautiously and both too carefully could mean. Once again there appeared two cards about Australia: Me concentrating too much about the egoistic hero side of that life and the many ways of struggling with mother issues. This was both a relief and a heart breaking moment for me to realize. It was also true I hadn't been looking enough into this past life, because of too much cautiousness. I felt like an idiot but at the same time I was truly grateful for the spirit world for their bold action in taking me closer to answers and a content life.

The cards I described told the story of Ned's father John 'Red' Kelly turning his back and leaving both symbolically and literally. It affected psychologically speaking who Ned, my past self became. In that past life I soon understood that filling my father's place and trade wasn't an easy job at all. One of the cards clearly reflected a time of hardships with taking care of the household both economically and in practice in a way on my own. Then of course I ended up in jail at one point.

I had grown an able bodied man and I considered myself a survivor in that rough life and therefore I thought I deserved and owned complete and absolute respect from society. If anyone was to violate the rights I had qualified for myself and my family, he was doomed, because I would do or say something about it. Damn right I would. I had redefined the laws considering my own property rights, some of them being of course more than understandable in the end. It would be a bad thing to mingle in any of our family affairs. I very deeply felt like I owned my life, our living, our family. It had been tough work and a tough past to get by for our whole family. I had finally taken the place of my that life's father and earned respectfully our position, considering the given difficult circumstances. (Even so I wouldn't be surprised if we committed small thefts when younger with my brothers before all the mess with constable Fitzpatrick and the Victorian police.)

The second last card aligned with the history  described the fights and battles with other people such as the police. I took that card as the spirit world's reassurance I was reading the right past life energies, so to speak. Even more assured I became just now because while finishing the sentence right before this one there occurred a spirit beep I clearhearingly get at times (I could describe it similar to tinnitus, but actually nothing like it).

The last card was puzzling. It presented a man and a woman a married couple and a symbol including both yin and yang the opposite life forces, the power of dualism. In this day I'm not totally certain the only thing the spirits were conveying with that Two of Cups was balance of gender energy. That's the easiest thing I could link with as the male-female oracle card was also represented in the spirit world's suggestion to correct the problem.

At this point the revelations weren't done. I was now able to track down in my quick mind flow my daddy issues in this life. My mother and father divorced, when I was young in this life, so being the oldest of the siblings I took a little more responsibility at a young age, although it had came to me naturally according to some stories I've heard from my relatives. When I was only a child, I had a lot of ambitious goals, but when the time came to make choices, I chose same or similar education as my father had. Even in my not so late education goals was to become a teacher like my father. It was not until NOW I realized I had been copying my father's foot steps unconsciously. I realized I was trying to make him proud as my mother's ways or my mother herself weren't nearly as honorable in my eyes. She was no way a role model that I would take willingly as a part of my living. No wonder my male past life tendencies have been surfacing so easily in this life, not having a father around too much and my main mother figures lacking the ability to live and love by respecting any personal limits and freedom...

I now understand that a lot of hate, pride and toughness from the experience of lack of freedom defined my certain pieces of personality traits even before the incidents with the Victorian police. The spirits wanted to tell me I had my very free choice in this life to choose a trade and a life path that was perhaps nothing like my father's in this life and that it is was my preplanned soul mission in this life to do what I want, what suits me, what doesn't make me recreate my past life 'mistakes'. Can you imagine that the unconscious par of our mind keeps repeating those parts of our past life personalities that we don't seem to need? I still know very profoundly that I had to go through this all, even in this life to understand deeply where I've come from, who I am and where I should be going next.