This Friday night I was at a point of complete frustration about getting rusty in my mediumship abilities. I knew I was the one causing the block primarily. I had achieved to convey messages that morning as I was supposed to, but I had to use oracle cards to achieve a working connection with the spirits. It took a serious effort from me. So around midnight I grabbed the oracle cards once more, asking from the spirits what was going on with my abilities blocking/what could help me out getting them to work with me again.
To my surprise the spirits raised my educational issues as the main topic. I haven't yet been able to myself a job that would suit my emotional resources and what I'm good at. Also for my astonishment, they suggested that I had daddy issues from a past life that was affecting all of this and that I had been both too careful and incautious about something. Also my addictions for unhealthy relationships were still affecting me... The last thing of these was not being anything new.
I proceeded with my reading. The spirit world suggested small steps to regain the spirit world's trust in both directions: Mine and their's. They recommended for me to take the present situation as a learning experience. Another thing they said was to come in terms with my male and female sides of personality and my past life experiences.
It was so comforting to hear these words from the spirit world. There were some things I had been aware of previously, such as taking my held back spirit connection as a learning experience, to look it through somehow and that my mother issues were connected strongly with the addictions-card blocking some of my spiritual gifts.
I've never considered myself having any grand daddy issues in this life, so I first excluded completely the possibility of my current father's connections to it (oh boy I was mildly wrong there). It bugged me I couldn't get the hang of what the spirits were trying to say, so I grabbed my Spiral Tarot cards and took a glance at that specific past life's story and what had happened around the them of fathers or father figures.
Even if I found myself once again somehow grateful and taken that the spirits had not abandoned my longing to know everything about my life as Ned, but I was also disappointed. It meant I had to battle more with my ego... It was a flagrant fact the cards were telling the story of my past life in Australia. I hadn't expected anything special, but now that I was staring my cards wishing they had told another story.
But the message was loud and clear. I wasn't able to lie to myself either. I could understand my feelings (probably the spirits did as well) as I had been battling with my ego every now and then when it comes to my past life as Ned.
Suddenly I was surrounded with dim past life energy that the tarot cards had brought to surface. It wasn't new to me, that's something I've faced before when handling my Ned-energies. With the help of the spirits I now realized that indeed, I had been having past life daddy issues. For the sake of clearing any uncertainty, my head already buzzing with the new information, I asked what oracle card suggesting about looking into things too incautiously and both too carefully could mean. Once again there appeared two cards about Australia: Me concentrating too much about the egoistic hero side of that life and the many ways of struggling with mother issues. This was both a relief and a heart breaking moment for me to realize. It was also true I hadn't been looking enough into this past life, because of too much cautiousness. I felt like an idiot but at the same time I was truly grateful for the spirit world for their bold action in taking me closer to answers and a content life.
The cards I described told the story of Ned's father John 'Red' Kelly turning his back and leaving both symbolically and literally. It affected psychologically speaking who Ned, my past self became. In that past life I soon understood that filling my father's place and trade wasn't an easy job at all. One of the cards clearly reflected a time of hardships with taking care of the household both economically and in practice in a way on my own. Then of course I ended up in jail at one point.
I had grown an able bodied man and I considered myself a survivor in that rough life and therefore I thought I deserved and owned complete and absolute respect from society. If anyone was to violate the rights I had qualified for myself and my family, he was doomed, because I would do or say something about it. Damn right I would. I had redefined the laws considering my own property rights, some of them being of course more than understandable in the end. It would be a bad thing to mingle in any of our family affairs. I very deeply felt like I owned my life, our living, our family. It had been tough work and a tough past to get by for our whole family. I had finally taken the place of my that life's father and earned respectfully our position, considering the given difficult circumstances. (Even so I wouldn't be surprised if we committed small thefts when younger with my brothers before all the mess with constable Fitzpatrick and the Victorian police.)
The second last card aligned with the history described the fights and battles with other people such as the police. I took that card as the spirit world's reassurance I was reading the right past life energies, so to speak. Even more assured I became just now because while finishing the sentence right before this one there occurred a spirit beep I clearhearingly get at times (I could describe it similar to tinnitus, but actually nothing like it).
The last card was puzzling. It presented a man and a woman a married couple and a symbol including both yin and yang the opposite life forces, the power of dualism. In this day I'm not totally certain the only thing the spirits were conveying with that Two of Cups was balance of gender energy. That's the easiest thing I could link with as the male-female oracle card was also represented in the spirit world's suggestion to correct the problem.
At this point the revelations weren't done. I was now able to track down in my quick mind flow my daddy issues in this life. My mother and father divorced, when I was young in this life, so being the oldest of the siblings I took a little more responsibility at a young age, although it had came to me naturally according to some stories I've heard from my relatives. When I was only a child, I had a lot of ambitious goals, but when the time came to make choices, I chose same or similar education as my father had. Even in my not so late education goals was to become a teacher like my father. It was not until NOW I realized I had been copying my father's foot steps unconsciously. I realized I was trying to make him proud as my mother's ways or my mother herself weren't nearly as honorable in my eyes. She was no way a role model that I would take willingly as a part of my living. No wonder my male past life tendencies have been surfacing so easily in this life, not having a father around too much and my main mother figures lacking the ability to live and love by respecting any personal limits and freedom...
I now understand that a lot of hate, pride and toughness from the experience of lack of freedom defined my certain pieces of personality traits even before the incidents with the Victorian police. The spirits wanted to tell me I had my very free choice in this life to choose a trade and a life path that was perhaps nothing like my father's in this life and that it is was my preplanned soul mission in this life to do what I want, what suits me, what doesn't make me recreate my past life 'mistakes'. Can you imagine that the unconscious par of our mind keeps repeating those parts of our past life personalities that we don't seem to need? I still know very profoundly that I had to go through this all, even in this life to understand deeply where I've come from, who I am and where I should be going next.