[4.10.2016]
I was feeling like sharing what happened to me today. I'm wishing this might help people thinking about their emotions towards different people in their lives and which emotions they are holding up to unconsciously. I've noticed that people tend to have a crush on people that they've known in the past lives, because of the possibly quite instant feeling of recognition, which confuses modern day humans more than it probably should. I have a history of having crushes all the time towards people I would unconsciously recognize. I've realized that behind it there is more to it than that and learnt to process this information flow in a way healthier way. Here's a story from a similar aspect.
I had some moments of sorrow crying over something very important from my past life today. I haven't been able to cry for a long time and I actually was just yesterday in a situation, where I wanted to be able to open up my feelings and cry. But today, for different reasons, I was finally able to do so.
I had this bushranger comrade called Wild Wright in the 19th century, who supported my gang back then in the days. I'm really not going into detail, because that I've told most of it already here before, but long story short I was Ned Kelly (I actually find this slightly irrelevant to mention, but I had this urge to tell you that Wild Wright was a GOOD GUY and deserves perhaps a little more respect).
Anyway, I finally got to know better the person who used to be Wild Wright, even though I've been aware of her identity for a year maybe. I was now left with bottled up feelings I wasn't first able to handle at all. Then I realized I felt anxiety, because I wanted to tell her what it really felt communicating with her. Because it was complicated, even for her, which she apparently noticed too. It being my imagination or not, I got worried about her own interpretation of what was going on between us. Because it was like loving a family member which kind of didn't fit with the fact that it was our first times getting to know each other. I wouldn't be able to tell her the reasons or my thoughts, because she probably doesn't understand or approve the idea of reincarnation. It bothered me, but I felt like I had no choice, so I ended up thinking all this stuff by myself I had in my mind from different point of views.
I realized I've never had those people in my life that I could defend. I've always had to protect myself out in the world and especially inside my family (there's this really rough stuff been going on for years and years that has affected me strongly). Because the feeling of needing protection from my own family, I haven't been really good at loving those people who I consider my real family (these people being most commonly friends). Now, I was in the situation, where I wanted to protect Wild Wright's incarnate for a rational (or a misjudged) point of view. It made me feel sorrow, because I wasn't able to do as I pleased. It confused me.
Then it just hit me out of the blue: I felt like I owed her so very much. And this was a huge emotion. I started to cry (hard and loud). Not because I had done bad things for her in past life, but because she had given me SO much back then. I understood that I hadn't been able to express this emotion as Ned. I cried more, because I realized that no-one would ever give anything from oneself and resources like that to another, if he hadn't considered the other as equal to a brother. At that point I had no idea what exactly happened between us in the history (after the well known bare knuckle boxing match and generally knowing he was a gang supporter after that), but this emotion and knowledge came so spontaneously and out of nowhere that I just felt I had to go by it and trust it..... And I did. Just a couple of hours later I googled everything I could find on Wild Wright and it matched so well with my experience that I'm stunned. I had strongly mistrusted my feelings, even though they felt so real.
After all that crying today I actually wasn't afraid anymore of any judgement from her if I just asked away if she was an atheist. What I now feel is that I want to be even truer to myself as I've been hiding my emotion behind ideals and protective barriers even from myself for some very, long, long time. I see and admit that I have problems to let people close to myself in this one aspect of denying my true feelings about them to a point they just bottle up. And most commonly those feelings are the positive kind. That is sad. It seems like have a strong need to get closer to these feelings and feel free once more.
Yup. I'm pretty confident I'm writing a book one day about my experiences. My life is like a big surprise party, considering all the constantly appearing possible ways sharing my story and my friends' and family's past life stories could be helping people heal PL wounds and figuring out their life purpose in the bigger picture.
Speaking of pictures, here's Isaiah Wild Wright. A good man with a bit of a wild and human side.
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