Cutting karmic ties

An uneasy feeling took over my body and mind. I have been on vacation for a few days from exhausting projects and mostly enjoying my time. Today it wasn't as easy as I wanted it to be. After I went through all surfaced emotions angry and frustrated, it was time to feel my true emotions, my experience of being lost and sad. Why couldn't I already be at a point in my life, where I could serve humanity as the Seer that I experience myself as? I had offered a mediumship service the day before and conveyed multiple messages from the spirit world. But this experience of incompleteness existed still, because I couldn't do it for a living. 

Every now and then I took a deep breath, because the spirits reminded me to do so. As I became in contact with my feeling of being lost, I also found the question that I wanted to ask in that state: Who am I? Who am I now? What is the point in my life that I'm living currently and how would the spirits word it out for me?

My frustration didn't get away totally, so what I did was that I listened to a clip from a lovely Seer Niina-Matilda's book to be released. I listened to her soothing voice and comforting words and also found them meaningful in my curren life situation. Niina-Matilda was not the first person to tell me that it was in my soul's plan to become a healer in this life. If I'd let myself choose so, my position would be at least pointing out where the sickness was in the body, that's how she worded it, which a few months later actually did lead me to find out I could find the connection with the illness between our different energetic bodies in relation to the physical one.

I got a bit carried away there, but anyway - I got half way through the clip, when my whole day last desire to create new thoughts through doing something concrete took over. I searched and found some deep, new music (it was important that it was new to me) to listen to and I quite spontaneously decided to make a spirit journey. I asked for protection to my journey. I was asked by the spirits what I wanted and I said I wanted to clean my soul, my energy and find more about myself and what was creating me feeling like was being stuck.

This week for a couple of days the spirits gave me signs that my sacral chakra was working overactive. I didn't want to believe it (as an unfinished human being over-anything makes me feel ashamed), but the signs were clear. One of the signs was that a pimple appeared right on the back of my spine, where sacral chakra is located. "Oh boy, here we go" I thought. A few days later I suffered from very uncomfortable stomach cramps. I usually never had those during my menstrual cycle and later I discovered that my whole period was not doing it's normal thing. Next day I wake up not that well rested. I tried to ask for the spirits to help me, but I also was battling with the inner-knowing that all this was going to be a lesson experience. I had also noticed that in the end I had picked by my body's guidance-- foods that contained iron like liverwurst and spinach-- which could've suggested I had also problems with my root chakra.

My spirit journey started from a cave. Usually during these journeys, I've had to go to the cave first and when I've searched for answers inside it, I've only found my own fear reflecting from the astral and spirit world. It has never felt an easy journey until now. This time I was already in there and I decided to find my way to a scenery of a night sky, somewhere in Africa from the ceiling of the cave. The starry scenery was very pure and clear and the ground was lit vaguely by an unknown source of light. The ground was covered with tile red dust. I sensed and saw glimpses of few animals around me.

I had a hunch this was a new platform for my on-going and future journeys in the spirit world. An eagle flew over to me, holding some sort of vessel filled with yellow liquid that felt bad for health in it's claws. I knew the liquid had something to do with fat and organic functions near the liver, possibly affecting the spleen. "What am I supposed to do with that?" I thought. The scenery changed. I know I now was situated somewhere in the human world. I see a man collapsing against the kitchen counter while his wife rushes over to him. He's having a seizure and is about to die. Because I'm taken there to see it, I instantly reason to myself that I must be there to heal this man as a spirit. I take the vessel now looking like a glass jar from the eagle's claws and I rush to find a way to clear it. I throw away the yellow substance to a basket (I thought that it would've done ill to throw the man's sickness to the ground representing our Mother Earth) and find a river where to clear the jar. When the jar is dry and empty I find that it's not clean and that clear water wasn't enough to clean it. I find a cauldron and boil some hot water. Finally I'm done with the cleaning. I'm constantly reminded by the spirits that I should not rush as I could not think clearly. At the same time I could feel time fleeing and the man getting closer to his death. I fill the jar with fresh water. When I'm rushing back to the scenery where the man is dying, the spirits tell me there is no point to rush as a healer, because then no remedy would be as effective as it should. Every step of the way was important energy to complete the healing efficiently. I understand that I have been clearing the man's organs energetically to help him recover from the seizure before it's too late.

Fearsome images merge from the man's body confronting me as I reach the kitchen and in a few moments I understand the images represented the fear of the ego leaving the material world and vanishing. For a moment they were also mirroring my own fears in the situation of getting turned down from my help. I manage to hand over the jar with fresh water 'to him'.

In no time I see the man's spirit separate from the body and staring to my eyes. He's smiling knowingly. I now understood he wanted to leave the body, it was his decision all along. My efforts to help him were in vain. Now he wasn't the one in need of healing: I was his student in the situation. I could not heal someone not needing nor wanting help. I understood same thing would go down with everyone I ever decided to provide spiritual guidance to.

The scenery changes. I'm taken to a grassy field. I'm a woman in a vaguely historical garment standing next to a forest alone. Suddenly I feel hands grabbing me from my back and his lips touching my ear in lust. His closeness and his words that I couldn't hear felt sickening. I shake away from his grip and tell him to leave me. I walk away a few dozen meters from the forest and let myself fall on my knees to wonder what had just happened. I felt strong confusion going inside of me. In no time while still wondering I find that same man returning to me, now taken over by his decision to rape this female body of mine in that past life. In the end the man probably leaves, I'm not sure. But I feel the woman's confusion has no end and because it has no end it feels pestering. She asked "Why I wasn't given the opportunity to love the one that entered my body?" I ask what I should learn from this and I'm given a red rose as a symbol with clairknowing of it's message: It would do good to let myself love free when it comes to romantic feelings. I understood that I had been craving for love and closeness for myself that I hadn't dared to ask. That it wasn't only my romantic partner's choice to love or want me.

 I know that sex creates a karmic bond, even if it didn't happen from love. I then asked from the spirits about what I should do. I seeked the energy of the man that raped my past self and let my past self do the work. My present-self felt now confused too, because of the need I felt my past-self had, but I did it anyway. I kissed the man on his lips gently and then gave him a hug. That was my forgiveness and acceptance of an apology from him in advance, even if I never felt him say he was sorry. I knew he couldn't say that, because he didn't know better yet. That energy felt child like, emptied from the darkness it held inside, harmless at that present moment, so little left of what he was. Then I sent him away the same path in the woods he had popped into my past self's life. I watched his back as he walked farther and farther away. It took a good moment. When he was at the end of the visible path it started to look like he couldn't go any further without me interfering. I pushed him out of sight with my mind.

I had to open my eyes, because I heard falling on my table. Earlier I had been squeezing an orange pen in my palm, but I had opened my hands during my journey a good while earlier. The item fallen on the table in front of me was that particular orange pen. The color orange represented the color of y sacral chakra. I knew the situation had been sealed for good and that pen also underscored it as a sign.

Next up the spirits took me to a place that felt like a spiritual school. I was walking around in orange trousers with yellow robes and a headpiece with maybe accents of red. The clothing reminded me very much of something I had seen before somewhere in the media. It had elements that reminded me of Russian, Turkish and Indian way of dressing in maybe ancient carvings and art. Because I didn't recognize it, it bothered me a bit, but I let it go. I meet a spirit of a female who has a very adviser type of touch to her energy. She gives me a symbolic tool to my future romantic relationships. It's a brush for washing my partner's back with love. The symbol of love, tenderness and forgiveness (which cleans away any harsh history between us) and at the other end of the brush there were scissors for cutting the karmic bond between us once and for a all.

I find myself back again at the African plains under the starry sky. I have only vague impressions of the discussion I had with the spirits in this last part, but I remember having the clairknowing sensation that the problem with my sacral chakra was now fixed from at least one area. I could feel it had had an effect on my solar plexus too. I asked if I needed to know nothing more for today, the answer was no.

 It keeps amazing me how simple it is to heal past lives during meditation. This was the first time I feel I have forgiven someone from a past life as efficiently. I'm awaiting changes to my physical and mental health during the next few days. Right now I feel... relieved. I believe and assume this past life healing was linked to the series of other feminine healing I've been confronting for a couple of years now.

Ironically right after I was done and came back to social media I bumped into this gif-picture saying: "When you say goodnight to your date and let out a fart you've been holding in all night". That might emphasize the problem I had been holding to from my past life energywise...



Spirits and their humor!

In the end, I wasn't given a straight answer to why I can't fulfill my mission in the spiritual area of life, but this definitely gave me more wisdom about listening to the signs of my body and some meaningful things about healing... Time will show.

The Grounding School

I have still a Ned Kelly (and Ellen Kelly) themed past life dream waiting in line to be published, but especially ever since the events that I unfolded in my last blog post, my concentration has been strongly guided elsewhere.

The theme in my life right now is grounding. I came very ill a couple of days ago. Now my other symptoms are pretty much gone, but my voice is completely lost, I'm basically mute. I haven't had such thing in my life. I pondered and researched the reasons for all of this actively-- grounding did come to my mind too, but only after I let go of trying, silenced my mind and slowed down my pace of living, my spirit guide was willing to tell me what this muteness was serving.

Before exposing the basic reason, they told me to just let myself be sick and not change the situation drastically. Anyway I did ask for help for my somewhat grave breathing problems I woke up to this morning and they actually instantly enlarged my airways as I felt I had been almost suffocating. They've given me a lot of help with taming the other symptoms as well, but the muteness remains. Basically, what they did, was that they stopped me and then didn't "let" me speed up my pace to what it's been for so many years. This gives so much more space for me to silence myself and do the grounding I so much needed.

I don't only feel, I know for a fact, that the vision of my Native American past life activated this phase in my life. I could never imagine that I would be able to inquire these steps of wisdom at this stage on my spiritual path. The serious part in my grounding school has started.

If you read my last blog post, you will understand a piece of the importance of the wisdom about grounding oneself and the connection to our Mother Earth. I always overlooked the whole idea of what grounding truly means. If you're doing it also-- consciously or not -- I assure you, I will some day teach this for people around me. I'm in hopes I'll find a spot to write about it here in my blog too, more in depth.

This is a past life themed blog primarily, but as you notice (if you read the last post), all of this just yielded from a spontaneous past life vision. Such can be the power of spiritual living in past lives. It is in my soul mission to relearn all of this. All types of past life experiences can rush all the way from our unconsciousness to our conscious mind, providing amazing wisdom and resources of an extensive variety to provide help on our spiritual path (and of others').

The sacred way of living: A Native American past life

I had just watched a tv show that had Native American tribes represented and some long lines of the languages those tribes used irl. The contents weren't that much new information to me, but the language intrigued me and made me feel really proud that at least someone had had the effort to use the original languages in a tv show script.

After that I was sharing a loving moment with a dear one, when all of a sudden a vision of a teepee alone in a forest "forced" itself into my mind (I rather allowed it to come through as I noticed the vision kept nudging my mind again and again).

I saw the two of us as Native American people living there and I experienced feelings that I've never ever felt in this life. In that vision I had recently moved "out there" with this loved one, we were a pair. The Native American me was thinking how honorable it was now to take the same position or place both my mother and my grandmother in that life had had as a wife, living an independent life of a Native American.

I come to realize other things existing around me. I never knew that someone could feel SO SAFE and so at peace with the circle of life, even that I thought I had understood the concept already thoroughly in this life. Na-ah. Oh I was so wrong. The part where I thought I understood was merely a theory in my head I had chosen to take as a part of my reality, in contrast to this experience I had last night.

During this vision I was as conscious about my present self as I was conscious about this life as a Native American woman. I feel this happened outside the experience of time limits, somehow these two versions of me connecting with each other.

I started to feel huge homesickness to not that teepee in the woods, but to the very natural connection with Mother Earth and the natural rhythm and style of living people had those days. I could feel how fluent and happy life was in it's simplicity. We all were so safe in the hands of our Mother and we were always ready to take responsibility and give her a hand in continuing the natural cycle of things. Giving back and letting go were important parts of our culture. We were part of the system, not outside of it-- as we actually are today. The general modern human concept of what we feel is connection is so wrong and full of lies. We are very much ungrounded.

I understood in that instant, how UNSAFE people feel these days even in "safe" cities in countries with a seemingly working social security and welfare system around the world. It was horrible to feel and see that contrast. But what we've gotten used to only creates the new definition for safe. Getting along doesn't mean we feel actually truly safe.

I now understand I hadn't understood what that word means. We're constantly bombarded with heavy energies pretty much anywhere we go and it's all around in our environment. We are so unconnected to to our planet, we are in constant state of unbalance (or ungrounded as people call it).

In this life I've been afraid of forests and I've slowly learnt to let go of that fear. For that brief moment as it was I felt what it is to have the nature as our home. It gave me a melancholic hope for the better and sadness that we've gone so far from this.

In my vision Mother Earth was a GIVER, not enslaved and exhausted getting her shell, where the life happens, more ruined day by day. She was providing everything we, us, it's children needed as long as we were a part of that natural cycle. Now she doesn't have the energy to do it, because we don't give the energy back to her and help maintain the balance

These days we don't let her grow her trees and plants around us. Those natural earthly antennas connecting us to her energy could grant us that feeling of connection and safety-- All of which would be the most natural state we could have here on Earth, if we just didn't sabotage the balance.

People, we must stop being only takers. This will not destroy only the nature, it torments us! Mother Earth would have so much more to give considering our peace and happiness, but we don't let her. I understand there exists so many paths for experiencing new things and all, but as long as we know we have the choice to change our ways of living-- in my point of view, we have the responsibility.

I had never cried in front of this dear one, but this experience and knowledge came to me so powerfully, I couldn't help myself, even that I tried to escape it. That homesickness for our connection to the Earth, was so huge and realizing all this bad bad stuff going on across the globe was too overwhelming. But it was good to cry, see and feel. This experience taught me so much things I hadn't known or realized before. Especially that feeling of safety.

I'd describe this vision of a past life definitely a changing point in life. I've had huge curiosity in Native American cultures and I've started to learn it in small bits for a few years now. More and more I understand I want those cultures to teach me more things and I definitely see myself now sharing more their wisdom onward in future.

Now I feel I HAVE to go camping with a friend in the forest some time and overcome my fear of forests (and nature)!

My latest incarnation: Rebel of the 80's

I don't remember how long time ago I unlocked some memories from this life, but they are the most vivid ones I've had of any of my past lives.

I was born in United States in an urban, probably big city to a white couple, who divorced when I was young. I was left alone with my mother. I've met two people in this life who remind me a lot of this past life mother. She loved smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol beverages, polishing her nails, gossiping and not caring too much about being the mother to me I needed. Also I believe my mother wasn't very intelligent. My father left my mother completely alone with me, so I didn't really see him when I grew older. When it was time to plan getting to a proper school after primary school, we went to see the headmaster of this one place I think me and especially my mother liked. What he did was to laugh at us-- laugh at me. I would never get in. We were poor and my grades weren't that amazing. He pointed out we were in a status that would promise no good luck in life. I had no future, really. 

As a result, I thought it wasn't useful being in school. I got friends who were "little criminals". I got into smoking (not sure about this, but probably), drinking and I think I tried some drugs too sometimes. I skipped so many classes I think I was most of the time elsewhere but school. 

In that life I was short. I had dark hair and a fit body. I used a lot of jeans and tank tops. I also got myself a leather jacket type of thing. Not sure if it was real leather though. 

I got myself a long term boyfriend who I broke up with many times. I remember he had long dark hair, a black leather jacket, almost always a pair of combat boots and he listened to rock music. We were both quite stubborn and fiery, but also very passionate. I became very much like him in certain aspects. 

I think that at first I tried at the school I was in. But then I stopped caring. It had been a real turning point when the other school's principal laughed at me and my mother... 

My mom's and my rental flat was placed in a building that was shaped similarly to the famous Flatiron Building in New York, but it had only two or three floors I think. Downstairs there was a tobacco store. The store's keeper who was part Indian was my mom's friend, but he really hated me. I remember seeing them chatting with each other so many times together both leaned over the same desk. I felt they both hated and repelled me from there just with their mean glances over me. I thought they could've just gotten a room together. They seemed to fit well enough with each other at least and enjoyed each other's company. 

Our apartment was more or less dirty. It had two small bedrooms, a living room of the same size and an open small kitchen combined with it. We had a cat whose caring we both argued about and quite roughly we did. At least sometimes I called that cat "Snuggles" (that name JUST came in my mind out of the blue). I think he had long hair and was white-ish in color. What really disgusted me was our refrigerator. It probably used to be white when it was bought, but now it was all yellow and sticky from the outside (I learnt after describing this to my friend that this is what happens when one smokes inside a lot, all surfaces get like that). We had very difficult fights with my mother, so I ended up leaving / running away from home. She disliked heavily my friends and my boyfriend, but it was easy to choose them over her. They seemed to care about me more than my mom. I spent more time at my friends' apartments and homes and I think there were a few nights I lived on the streets with no real shelter, hiding away from strangers who could harm me. 

I speculate by intuition that I got into Christianity around these times. I really wanted to help and be kind for those less fortunate but me. Living on the streets, using all their belongings to just buy some drugs. I tried to find my best ways to help them if I could. I really pitied their destinies. The cops on the other hand I feared and hated. But mostly, it was fear. They were so skeptic about my kind that they would try to catch us even if we hadn't done anything wrong. I have a strong feeling they did bad things to us, like hitting with batons at times with no real reason, not to mention name-calling type of speech and intimidating in various ways.

One night when I had broken up again with my boyfriend, I was spending an evening "partying" or just generally "out". Anyway, I met a man probably slightly older than me. Somehow he became very very quickly my new boyfriend. He seemed slightly eccentric, but was very kind and sympathetic and offered me right away a place to stay after he heard I had no place to go. This was a mistake. 

I didn't realize this man had Asperger's, which influenced his thoughts and actions. I remember myself sitting at a table in the kitchen area and there was a morning paper nearby, me doing something more or less practical and mundane. It was one of the first days at his place, maybe even the first one. I cared for him, but I knew I wouldn't love him. It was already clear for me we wouldn't ever get married, so I felt a little guilty. What I really needed from him was the shelter of his apartment and maybe some things like food etc. He seemed very excited about our situation and it was obvious for him that now was the time and place to have sex for the first time. For me it neither wasn't and was at the same time. I wasn't really sure if I really cared for sex at that moment with him, but thought that whatever. I wanted to keep that apartment for a while at least. I thought he kind of maybe deserved it and I sensed unconsciously he had a bad temper, even a shorter one than my ex had and in a weird way.

 Then he removed his clothing and climbed into his bed naked which was a loft bed. I was slowly ending my doings, whatever they were. When I wasn't removing my clothes right away and rushing, he said in an icy/irritated tone "Yeah, you know, I'm waiting..." I climb on his body still my clothes on and start to strip my shirt off. At the same time I ask if he has a condom. It appears he has none. Suddenly he suggests we should have a baby. I get frustrated, he sounds sad and we almost start a fight. I state I won't have sex with him unless he has a condom. I leave the apartment to search for one, but all I have in mind is to ask if the neighbors had any, I know none of them well enough. It starts to feel like a bad idea and I start to pity my "boyfriend". I really didn't want to fight with him. I deny myself of thinking about baby-making, I return to the apartment. I tell him "Ok, let's fuck".

My next memory is from couple of days later. We've had sex a couple of times. For the second time I had a condom from somewhere. I'm panicking in my mind if I had become pregnant. I didn't want to have a baby yet and not with him. I'm going through all options of emergency contraceptives in my head. At this point this boyfriend is all excited about getting a baby. I'm getting less and less interested about the shitstorm it would raise if I got myself an abort. The guy is kissing my belly and talking to it, when I still don't have any mound formed yet.

It becomes harder and harder to order a visit to the gynecologist and it starts to feel like an easier option just to have the baby. I believe all of this was because of the guilt towards that boyfriend of mine and the fact that I was using him to my advantage. This boyfriend was also the stalker type slightly... I could feel it.

A tad later (in this life) I had a vision of what happened between my death and the pregnancy. I left this boyfriend, but he kept disturbing my life in different ways. I returned to my on-off-boyfriend and at least was in friendly relations with him. When he discovered all of what had happened to me, he was furious! When he met the guy who had gotten me pregnant, he hit him and kicked him with his iron toed combat boots to the stomach. I was there. I tried to persuade him to leave it be and tried to confirm that the man didn't deserve it. I was really terrified about it. 

The last scene I remember from this life is me being again together with this on-off-boyfriend. We are having a terrible fight in a parking house. He's drunk and very aggressive. We are repeatedly hitting each other or touching each other violently. Last thing I remember is him pushing me. I loose my balance and I feel myself falling. I hit my head really bad on the ground. I see an ambulance. I die probably on my way to the hospital. That's the last thing I'm shown of these memories recorded.

This life I've acknowledged for a while already has lately come up to my mind more often. It has offered me explanations to a few childhood/youth memories from this life. When I was real young, about 9 years old, I started to write a book. I remember there were two gangs. The others were called "The rats" and they bullied the other gang, who were merely a group of friends. I really desperately wish I could some day find this start of book at some point and reread what I wrote. I remember it was very well written for a girl of that age! I have a feeling it described my past life around the 80's. My second memory comes from time I was 13. I had had an on-off crush for the cutest boy in my class. He had these brown eyes that were always my downfall. But he had a blond hair, not dark. He treated me unfairly and one time he hit me really bad on the back, bullied me too. Such things made me really prejudiced about him. Even though his style was nothing like it, one day I expressed my frustration: "So don't you want to listen to rock music, smoke cigarettes, wear leather coats and drink heavy?" The boy I had a crush on was nothing like it, really, but all of a sudden I had that image about him. I don't know why, but I thought it was a bad thing doing all that. Sinful even. That description would've fit my past life boyfriend. The third one is not a memory really. I had a manner to put my school pack or my jacket or about anything laying on my lap so it would  lean to my stomach when sitting. It made me feel safe and comfortable. People sometimes asked me why I did it. I hadn't realized it was that weird. Now I think I know the answer to this. It was not only because I thought that in this life my belly was fat. My past life self still wanted to cover in school that she was pregnant, even though in this life I haven't been pregnant or anything close to it. 

I also have a dream with hazy things that would really strongly refer to this past life. In the same dream I was doing something at the doctor for a "sister" (I had no sister!) The doctor was dark skinned, handsome and aged +40. He gave a coloring book to me so I would give it to my "sister". He had a feeling I might not give it or remember to give it, so he wrote my sisters name on the cover (which I don't remember). Also my mother had discovered the doctor was related to Michael Jordan and a "famous violinist" and she was really hunting him to be a husband debutante. For that reason I called him something similar to "doctor pal" not "sir" or "doctor" which created a very icy and awkward atmosphere. That wasn't my intention. I sounded rude. He kind of disliked me and felt uncomfortable around me, I could tell. Later in the dream there was an audition for a Broadway type of a Grease (in my current life I haven't really cared for Grease at all) prequel or something. It was a new version of it anyway on stage. Most of the main characters were placed with dark skinned actors which in the dream thought was slightly weird. Also I was in a big store or a mall. An older light haired man stole or bought me secretly tobaccos and I was grateful but I didn't know why he was so kind to me. I also laughed at a department of Christmas stuff that was really, really messy in the store.

All of this is so vivid that I'm sure I could find many more things about this past life through past life regression, which I have done none on this consciously. Most of it has come through visions, dreams and one past life tarot card reading I did on myself. Sometimes I wonder if this past life mother of mine still lives. Or that on-off-boyfriend. Anyway, I know the lesson of saying no to uncomfortable situations with romantic relationships that were created for the wrong reasons have been sorted out mostly already during this life. It gives a lot of comfort to understand why my last relationship was such a mess.

I've also noticed that dying so young and a rebel has affected this life more than I have wanted to understand at first. It comforts me to understand my past problems with school and authorities and even my peers at school had solid roots from not so long ago. I've also speculated that my memory/attention problems in this life might be linked to that pas life and also that head trauma. I'm sure I'm going to find out if it it's true. For now, I'm satisfied with discovering more about this life. I find it very interesting considering the lessons I was going through. I'm sure in that life I also was settling some of my lessons from my past life as Ned Kelly. Too many congruent aspects to ignore.

Harry Power's spirit and signs

Today's oracle cards encouraged me to feel and be empowered and use this strength in my daily life. My power has been lost of a few weeks and manifested itself by depression, so this message had been long awaited, even that I had received the same message here and there by listening to my spirit helpers. Also it turned out there was a 'coincidence' about the usage of word 'power'.

I ordered a month ago myself a DVD from Australia. "The Last Outlaw" mini tv-series. I never got an affirmation it had been shipped as I did get from other items I ordered for Christmas at the same time. Today I was doing some cookie baking with my best friend and there were so many of them that even after she left there were left plenty to bake! So I was left alone in my silence. Every once in a while I thought I should start a playlist from my phone. I forgot it many times and each time I remembered it again, I felt an urge to do it before I forgot all about it. Finally I did it. It was my Australian past life playlist I chose pretty much randomly. Then I heard a sound from the apartment. Something fell on the floor. I instantly thought either it was a spirit moving stuff or the mail man. It was mail, but the spirits having their touch on the situation. At that moment there was playing this song called Blood On My Name by Brothers Bright. That's a song that I also for half meditative purposes on this past life. It helps me think and structure my emotions, just as many other songs on that playlist of mine.

When I saw it was the DVD which's whereabouts I had been pondering on today, I of course got a little excited. It was my Christmas present to myself. I've been waiting for this opportunity to watch The Last Outlaw through, because it has a lot of roles of people who I find dear from Ned's life like Tom Lloyd and Isaiah 'Wild' Wright. I now understand that the reason I felt an urge to put that playlist playing on the background was actually yet another sign the spirits wanted to share me. Even that I shouldn't be able to doubt my past life anymore, I do need these confirmations to ease my mind. They are also a sign for me that I'm not leading myself to a useless path.

Right now I'm also happy that I figured out I could try to find that DVD online all regions free, which means I could watch it here in Finland without any problems. It wasn't that easy to find, I tell you. It's a piece of Australian history and so on, and the series itself was filmed in the 80's, so naturally most of the DVD releases (except for the one I found) were meant for the region of Australia.

Harry Power's been on my mind lately. His spirit has visited and contacted me more than a year ago and so he did just the past few days again, now revealing his Higher self. He told me he isn't incarnated on the physical plane at the present moment, but he will soon enough. He will incarnate as a boy to one of my close relatives (I know who). He also told me we haven't known each other on other past lives on Earth but as Ned Kelly and Harry Power. He shared me he didn't actually like too much being called by his past life name. He would be in this future life a sensitive and bright boy and he told he would have an talents and devotion to wood carpeting at an early age. By his 9th year of life on Earth my grandfather would have been moved to the spirit world and Harry's reincarnation would be compared to my grandfather (who is a dear person to me even if he himself didn't know it). This is how we change and evolve as spiritual beings... Harry used to be a case-hardened bushranger and his soul isn't proud of all things he did during his life. I think there is also something else that bothers him about that incarnation...

If you wonder how I speak with these spirits, it's again with the help of the pendulum. I see and feel things, get impressions and then if it's unclear or I feel uncertain I use the pendulum the spirit is moving to help get the message right and clear.

The first part of The Last Outlaw looks into Harry's past a lot. I haven't watched the whole episode yet, I think I left it somewhere in the middle. I started to think if I should actually try to regress myself into my past as Ned and see if there was information available that the series would later confirm later. The series tries to base it's story on facts. For now I've been a little annoyed by the teenage Ned. Something doesn't feel right about it, but I'm hopeful about the further parts of the series. Anyway, I haven't actually tried to regress myself consciously on this past life but once, because of doubts and fears. Maybe now's the time. I have held back myself a lot on reading the history on this, I've refrained from looking too much into detail. I need myself to be sure I'm not misleading myself or anyone else for that matter about the past lives' topic as it really is my passion...

The incarnation of Ned Kelly, part 1

This is the story of me identifying as the reincarnation of Edward "Ned" Kelly, a bushranger born in Australia. As always, one must make sure isn't making things up about 'national hero' incarnations and it's been quite a ride proving myself I'm not misleading myself, I tell you. On the other hand, even people who were famous or became famous after death have always been human-- nothing less or nothing more, that's something I really want people to remember in our glamour-loving society... I would actually love not having to explain this whole "fame is an illusion thing, yadayada", I wish it was an evident fact.

First, if you want to learn more on the historical background, check this out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ned_Kelly

I'm dreaming about writing a book on past lives inspired by these experiences. I've learned a lot and I know in my heart there will be more. I'm still waiting for the day I'm brave enough to ask from my friends and family members if it's okay to publish their photos and the meaningful things on their backgrounds to help telling my story which also is their story on the other hand (I have no idea what they could think about this reincarnation story). From my point of view they're an important part of telling the story as they kind of complete the whole puzzle, that's how I feel about the information. I know I can't tell here about their lives (unless having a permission). I've told about this to pretty much all my close friends as they are by coincidence open-minded people and who more or less (--more) accept the existence of what people usually call paranormal. But telling this to my other very much significant relatives? Help.

About thirteen months ago I was researching my past life situated around the 50's as an English woman (I was born maybe in 30's or 40's). I yearned to learn more about that life as it has affected me a lot, I think, but not as much as I think my other future discovery would. Around those times I didn't meditate too much, but I spontaneously thought of giving it a try, finding out more about that past life in England. I very quickly was given in the meditation a year '1856' and two foreign words 'Jacques depot'. I wrote them down on a piece of paper after realizing I didn't understand, how these two things were related to anything I had been searching for.

In two weeks after this, there occurred a dream. I was in a toy store, trying to find some toy bullets for my toy gun. I got slightly disappointed finding out there are no toy bullets that could fit my gun (all of this could happen to me in real life as I have hobbies that include also fake weapons, that I sometimes buy from toy stores). Suddenly I recalled I own an unopened package that included a gun and bullets (that were really big to be toy bullets). The bullets were fake, but I soon found myself fascinated by all those bits that really showed the gun was an old one and actually real (although it took some time for me to figure that out). I turned right there were I was standing 180 degrees and the package with the gun and bullets somehow appears in front of me. It opens by itself, only from my thought of opening it. The package and the gun leak dry dirt from every little hole and corner. Soon the toy package of the revolver gun disappears and I find myself holding this revolver while it's still leaking the dirt as if it had been buried somewhere (for a long time). The same instance I notice my hands and left arm were dirty from that soil. The rest of the dream goes as follows: I find my way to the cashier and I argue with a man about something. He thinks I've been doing something criminal in this store and the whole situation feels embarrassing while AT THE SAME TIME I find myself in a bank in the 1800's in a similar situation, doing a robbery and there is a man in a black suit, old modeled eye-glasses and dark fine mustache. Before this experience I never knew that dreaming in two layers happening at the same time was even possible. I wake up.

I felt instantly that my dream was affected by spirit. I don't understand at all what I had been going through. At that point I thought that perhaps a spirit was trying to connect with me and telling his story. So I once again tried meditating as I rarely did at that time. I was given words: "Murder never expires" and right after that saw a man like from a cowboy film. What I got was that he was most possibly a criminal, that was the basic feel to it all. He had a dark beard and a light colored hat that created a shadow on his face that prevented me from seeing his features. The surroundings looked so hot and dry that it made me think of Mexico or another place in South America. There was also something about his weakly visible facial features that made me think again about Mexico. That moment I was somewhat scared and confused, because of the apparent murder theme. I thought all the possibilities through, but I didn't get the hang of it. So I decided that I'll just leave the dream be and that if it's important, it will come to me later in life.

Only a few days later the same week I go to meet my old high school friends. We watch a movie together and after it do something we wouldn't usually do: Leave the tv channel open while we talk about girl stuff and politics. The channel represents multiple documentaries in a row that are situated in Australia. One of them tells the story of the bushranger Ned Kelly. My thoughts at that point were these: "Ahh, I remember this man as a topic from high school. We had a chapter in our English books about him and that time I wrote that text about him in my personal blog symbolizing my life in a way." That was true, it had been about four years or more since I had last thought about this man and his history which was also my first one. We kept talking and me watching the documentary here and there. I noted that one of the guns shown actually looked very much like the revolver in my dream. I didn't feel any different.

When I go home, I have the urge to find out what "1856 Jacques depot" meant in my meditation state from two weeks earlier. I once again try to research the meaning from the internet. I go to Wikipedia, just as I had probably done two weeks ago and scroll through things that had happened in 1856. '1856' bushranger Ned Kelly's possible year of birth it said (usually they think it's more probable it's 1854 or 1855). I open the article and after a few seconds I find my self shaking and shivering, my muscles stiffened. I just KNEW I was him. I had stared at the picture of his armor in a museum and I could feel my mind being sucked into the picture or something hitting my consciousness slightly physically (I feel this mental suction when I do past life readings for other people live)... All I remember from that night is more shaking, muscles stiffening and thoughts of "oh my god, I killed people" and washing the dishes in a state that could resemble a shock.

All of this was followed by a huge amount of my own skepticism, feeling of guilt and still knowing in my heart that it had to be true, somehow wanting it to be true as it would've explained many things occurring in my life. 

Soon, I rediscovered my old blog text. It was a long one, myself ranting in a very deep point of depression, desperate about my situation in life and being bullied at home and in school. I remember myself very angry and crying while writing it. In the end I had attached an old drawing of Ned wearing his famous armor in the Glenrowan incident and these words symbolizing my desperation in life as I wasn't sure how long I was able to take all those bad things anymore: "I've been my own hero for a long time. I have a self-made tinarmour and I've had various bullets in my chest, legs and arms. I'm slowly bleeding to death. I don't think I can be Ned Kelly. I think the hero is going to die."

I started to think about my life from many aspects after accepting the possibility I used to be Ned. This would explain my irrational fear of the police as I had still the feeling I could be arrested any time for my criminal actions, which of course I had done none in this life. This feeling had secretly been burdening with me since my childhood. I don't know if my family ever noticed such, but my girlfriend before all this happened did. Also, it lifted some of the burden on my experience of my gender. I've had times since my teens when I've thought myself as more male than female, but usually androgynous. As a child I was more of a tomboy anyway.

I had been also keen on the name Edward and used it for years online in different forms. 'Sir Edward', 'Eddie', '-Ed', 'PumpkiN-Ed' etc. were my nicknames, all these before a couple of years before I was ever introduced briefly to history on Ned Kelly. Could this be it, I thought? What I believe these days is that I have been called Edward in at least two lives serving my time on Earth.

There was something else too. When I was young, about eight years old, I used to held secret wrestling tournaments with the other kids on our backyard. My father had always been against violence and guns very strictly, so for me it was no question to use actually violence that would hurt badly, so especially using fists against anyone was strictly prohibited. At that time I wanted to be "Pippi Longstocking" from children's story books, the strongest girl on Earth. I by the way was usually the one who won, if not always.

When I was thirteen, I decided I wanted to start boxing, perhaps kick boxing. I really wanted my mother to buy me a sack and gloves for a long time, even that I had noticed my joints felt as if they could be actually easily damaged, even broken after a couple of hits. As my mother didn't agree with my wishes, so the aspiration to start boxing (and become good in it) was left behind and never thought about it again, after I found other hobbies. Still I used the nickname inspired by a movie I hadn't yet seen "million dollar girl" online for a while. Ned was known for bare-knuckle boxing and once even the unofficial champion of his district.

I did read a very small amount of details of Ned's life (there exists a lot of it) from that Wikipedia article and elsewhere in the internet, because I really wanted to prove myself I wasn't imagining things. One of the things I did read back then was that his famous last words have been suspected to be "Such is life". I recalled something from my childhood. I was about seven or eight years old, when my father received a call and asked me to go outside with my little sisters. I was blowing some soap bubbles when soon my father came out and sat on the steps crying in a very heartbreaking manner. He told me that my his father, my grandfather had died. My father's reaction did sadden and shock me inside, but for some reason I remained calm. I sat beside him, gave him a hug and said: "Sellaista se elämä on" meaning "Such is life". My father still reminds me of this from time to time as he thought it was more or less funny from a young girl like that.

I still doubted myself. It wasn't enough proof for me to really let myself believe all that even if I tried so.

Soon I found myself observing some of the photos of the Kelly family members. That's when I first had the feeling one of Ned's brothers Jim Kelly was someone I know very closely in this life: My father. Another picture made me think of something similar: young Kate Kelly reminded me of one of my close relatives.

That's when I held a session using pendulum to connect the names and the photos with my best friend. We intuitively chose names of my relatives and friends in this life. We had quite amazing results and I found I had erred with the identification of Kate as the pendulum after many times of asking didn't change it's answer. Ned's sister Kate is these days the person I call my mother. We found out that each of Ned's closest relatives are very much near to each other in this life living in my family and my uncle's family. I would tell some crazy and sometimes funny details of all the people I found incarnated nearby me, but I haven't asked for the permission to share their intriguing stories or pictures just yet online. And on the other hand there remains essential family members I haven't told anything about this.

When I compared the pictures side by side with my friend, we were stunned. There were similarities that I just couldn't deny as they occurred on so many of these people. I believe there must be people who would want to disagree, but personally I cannot. As it has to be accepted that our most recent race and gender do redefine many of our physical characteristics, I still find similarities between these pictures. All my family and relatives related to this past time and place are Finnish as the Kelly family was of Irish decent and who knows where the other people I was able to recognize who weren't part of the Kelly family were from. Later I've realized the reason some of my relatives in this life had lived many years in Australia and my family members visited there for other reasons is our mutual past life... I had also short thoughts of visiting this country many times earlier, but there has always been reasons that prevented me from really wanting it in the end 1) the serious heat 2) deadly animals and insects. 

Even after this, more proof came by my side. I had almost forgot about the results I had during the first meditation I mentioned. "1856 Jacques depot". At this point I had long confessed to myself that one of the least probable years of birth-- 1856, where this all started didn't alone prove myself anything. Maybe I had just mislead myself on the wrong path? I suddenly recalled something important. All along I had thought that "Jacques depot" was connected with the past life I had tried to meditate on. I had tried to find it's meaning again online, but all I found out was a café in Australia and nothing else on any other part of the globe. In AUSTRALIA. I googled the address and placed it on a map. Then I tried finding Ned's birth place. As it wasn't known I found the address of Ned's childhood home. I was perfectly struck by it again. The café was placed on the coast and the Kelly's used to live 60 kilometers straight to north from that point up.

The conclusion I've come to about this meditation is that I was given by the spirit world my past life coordinates.

Later on, I've seen two other symbolic dreams clearly related with Ned. In the latter I dug the grave open and I found his body under a white linen cloth. Bodies under white cloth have been in my dreams the symbol of people who have really died in this world. Ned's body was partially blackened from the skin. I remember myself staring his hands, "my hands". But what I couldn't do was revealing his face under the cloth. What I felt there was fear, because somehow I was afraid his face was seriously damaged to something horrible. So I covered the body and refilled the grave. When I was ready, I suddenly changed my mind. I wanted to be brave and see the face. I woke up while I started to dig the grave open again and was committed to "face" my fears.

After this dream actually, I haven't been scared of reading more history on Ned's life. After all, my intention wasn't quite to scientifically prove all the skeptics in the world I was Ned Kelly, the bloke many people in Australia wants to argue about (if this could end some stupid battles and waste of plastic and stuff on his toy figures, then it could be great though, or maybe.. I don't know... allow me to touch something 'he' owned). Was he a cold blooded selfish murderer? Well guess what, I want to know the truth as well. Even though I have my doubts, I have decided I don't want my insecurity to control me on this. I feel what I feel in my heart and I've seen all these things I just told. I haven't agreed to understand before recently that yes, Ned's life must be a significant one for me in this life as many of my childhood problems seem to have been born in Australia more than 135 years ago and these people haven't gone anywhere.

So this was my story, in a brief form, even though I know it's a long one. I'm not going to lie that after two years of (re)discovering all these things I'm still excited, scared and awaiting for this adventure of self-discovery to continue.

People I've managed to recognize ever since the incarnation came into light for me (reincarnated in close doings with me): 

Ellen Kelly (Ned's mother)
John "Red" Kelly (Ned's father)
Dan Kelly (Ned's brother and gang member)
Jim Kelly (Ned's brother)
Kate Kelly (Ned's sister)
Grace Kelly (Ned's sister)
Margaret Skillion (Ned's sister)
Anne Gunn (Ned's sister)

Joe Byrne (Ned's important friend and an gang member)
Tom Lloyd (Ned's cousin, a dear friend and an important supporter of the gang)
Aaron Sherritt (uncertain) (Ned's gang member)

Isaiah "Wild" Wright (Ned's gang's supporter and a good friend)

Constable Lonigan (Constable who Ned shot)
Constable Kennedy (Constable who Ned shot)
Constable Fitzpatrick (Constable who caused some serious trouble to the Kelly family)

Ettie Hart (uncertain) (Ned's gang member's sister)

Richard Shelton (the boy who Ned saved from drowning)

Introduction

You may find this blogger a regular person, who doesn't seem to fit well with the usual world. I'm messy, spontaneous vs. reserved, analytic and find joy in spiritual conversation and development. In high school I found myself interested in psychology and philosophy, arts and languages (except for Swedish). I wanted to be either a film director or a costume designer by trade as "being something" or "someone" seemed like the only option I had for life. I felt like I was unsuccessful in everything else that I could've considered meaningful.

Around those times my dog died and I found myself in the middle of a depression cycle which continued for a few years. I have also presumed I had been depressed even as a child without realizing my situation. These days I understand that it was because of my mother. Mental problems existed, but inside this broken family unit they were always belittled or somehow projected elsewhere, many times on myself.

Just as I described, everything escalated at school when I turned 18. Little by little I became more aware I wasn't alone in my room at nights and developed a fear of being in the dark alone late because of this. With this fear came along spiritual experiences and a reawakened interest in the supernatural a couple of years later. I got tarot cards from friends as a birthday present and started to learn about chakra systems, auras, the spirit world and even about the life outside our planet (this was due to an experience I had as a child). I yearned to know the truth about our life mysteries and I was confident it was possible to (re)discover it.

I was right about that possibility, indeed. I had been having all these theories about the structure of our existence and now was the time to see if I was anywhere nearby the truth. Realizing I wasn't the only one thinking like this and that there were actually a huge number of people across the globe and later even amongst my friends sharing an astonishingly similar world view-- I knew there absolutely had to be something true about it. I had been searching for miracles all my life and there it was. No-one had taught me the things I had speculated to be right and now out of the blue I had this amazing support system for my thoughts all around me.

It didn't take long to be told I had the gift to mediumship having a shaman spirit by my side as my spirit guide. I started to understand I had been having these spiritual experiences as a child too, but my strong forced Christian faith and the fear of being judged by the Christian god had blocked my abilities for a long time. Little by little I started to gain confidence in my gift by giving power animal readings to my friends after realizing I could see an animal "on them" when looking at a person. I kept practicing, until a couple of years ago I had crossed the point of being able to convey messages from the spirit world. It had always been important to me to be able to know for sure I wasn't creating the message on something I already knew about those people. Both mistakes and astonishing accomplishments came along the way, the mistakes becoming way rarer by time.

Three years ago I finally got my hands on the topic of reincarnation, which had fascinated me ever since I was a child. At first I falsely thought I must have been a newcomer on Earth, since I had no past life memories or experiences, besides one curious dream I had seen a couple of years earlier. Just as with the power animals, it hit me that I could actually see some people as someone else, when looking at them and sometimes gaining an impression of another historical time. I started to practice and became better on it, whilst getting busy in my everyday life.

My depression cycle helped me to start handling many things that were wrong in my life. Ever since, I've been becoming happier and happier as a human being. It took me some time to get that I actually hadn't been that happy in all of my life. I got hooked on the feeling of freedom the new form of spiritualism provided in my life and I wished other people could feel the same things as I did. My wishes to become a costume designer or a film director were long gone. All I wanted now was to improve as a person, discover new sides about everything that existed and get a taste of adventure in my daily life.

Healing our mental problems and at least accepting them became an important interest of mine. For a few years I tried to save people around me, especially the friends I now considered my real family-- only to learn later on that was no good. I earned even more emotional freedom by understanding that humans have always the right to choose for themselves to believe, to accept and to act on things. I could not bend them to my will seeing and acting on the things around them that could lighten their hearts. More often than that not following my intuition about how to handle people, I burnt my fingers. Finally it was time to move on and change the plan.

It hasn't been an easy task to understand using my inner voice is a part of my meaning in life. It would be only a few adventures away to find the perfect setting to use it AND people who could hear it and actually wanting to listen. I'm still on the same path to discovery, but it hasn't been until lately that I understood, my life purpose considering helping people is of the spiritual kind, using my wisdom and gifts with the best of my ability. I never thought making a living this way would be possible, but I'm currently searching for the bravery to see the perfect way and possibilities to serve people in the future.

My drive for sharing experiences to raise awareness has been huge, because I've been through so many life changing situations with the help of the spirit world and understanding our past lives. This blog is one venue to share most of the knowledge I've gained through these years. One of my highest wishes right now is to reach something in people. Everything is possible if we give the universe a chance to show it.

Uncaged

Suddenly I understood, that feeling uncomfortable talking over and over again about my past life experiences with my friends was a sign. I started to build up tension inside of me that made me feel really uneasy. I needed one more past life experience to understand that I felt caged and that I needed an outlet for my thoughts and feelings somewhere, where I could actually feel free to express myself as who I truly am. That's when the idea of starting a blog came into the picture. It's simple, it's easy-- it doesn't bother anyone and collects only those readers, who feel interested in it's topics.

Having a past life identity that happens to be well known in history and present is nothing but easy. Halfway it feels like a curse. It has made me go through lessons of self-worth so many times I'm not sure it will ever end. I had been handling the general phenomenon of being famous beforehand throughout the youth for other reasons, so it was perhaps planned that my past life as Ned Kelly surfaced only two to three years ago. Sometimes I wish I had known some things affecting my current life earlier, but I know that I wouldn't be what and who I am now if I hadn't experienced the hard stuff raw. 

I'm going to be totally honest with you by saying that I need your support. At the same time I'm trying to stay true to myself, learn being independent and avoid clinging to people's opinions or my tendency to try please everyone. Finally becoming sick of that side of me I found my way here. Coming out of the closet, so to speak. Or my mental cage. 

I realized that I was being an idiot wasting my life trying to please those, who happened to be around me. I haven't come out to my Facebook friends or relatives there. Everything else feels natural to update but not telling that "Hey, I've been going to these wonderful medium nights. Totally loving it" or "I cried my heart out today, because I suddenly remembered the guilt I felt in my past life". I knew that job and bosswise I never cared, what was shown online about my faith or hobbies. And if people who I thought were close to me would run away, maybe I wasn't that important to them after all. That is the very same reason I never started a blog, even though I maybe tried. Now for me, it's the time to stop trying. 

I still won't probably link this blog to my Facebook account in the future. For now, I justify this decision by knowing that the majority of my Facebook friends isn't interested in spiritual or the "supernatural" stuff. For now, it doesn't bother me. If at some point my heart tells otherwise, I will adjust my plans. But the most important change now is that I refuse to be scared that a relative or a distant friend would find this blog online and read my story. This is the place, where I'm able to share my stories in full length. Nothing should be left in secret or half shadowed, if one really wants to know what's all this "Henniina talking about spirits and past lives" is by reading through this blog. 

I admit I'm holding slight grudge by having to explain this at all. I wish being accepted with my interests and experiences would be as easy as being objected to breath so that one can live. The things I handle in this blog are similar to a part of my breathing, which means it is a great part of who I am. I have other life too, of course but I can't deny the importance of spiritual matters in my life and working and developing as a medium. 

At this point I feel also kind of excited as this blog feels like a positive step on the road of fulfilling my life purpose. But more on it later.